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Sunday, 5 December 2010

December 5th 08.33

Firstly, the weather, not so cold now, no further snow and the existing snow is melting.

My tempreature...
36.6 last night and 36.2 first thing this morning.

The way that I am feeling is slowly changing.
Right now, I feel angry.
This made me think of the stages of grief.
The Kubler-Ross model talks of 5 stages of grief:-
2. Anger
3.Bargaining (To do with you belief system)
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance

Some other trains of thought add another 2 stages.
At 2 - Pain/guilt
and at 6 - reconstruction/hope.

As Sir Winston Churchill said,
"If you are going through hell, keep going".

Anyway, back how I feel.

Don't think that I have felt denial or pain and guilt. (Perhaps later or not at all).
I do not believe that I am dying, so I am not bound to feel them at all.
But as I said, I do feel angry - that could also be self pity in disguise.

OK, So what is making me feel angry?
I will tell you.
I have worked hard all of my working life, taken on additional jobs so that I can buy a pension and insurances to keep me and my husband in retirement.
I have taken out critical illness insurances, which, by the way, I would recommend to all of you out there, becuase now I need it.
I digress......
This will pay out soon, (I hope), and with that, I will be responsible and pay for my own funeral so that my children do not have the burden of finding the cash that they don't have.
My husband would be unable to pay because he is not working, and recieves no benefits at all, because I work.
I will pay any outstanding debts that me and my husband have. That leaves me with no extra cash to do the little things that I have always wanted to do.
So, in life I am working for others, and being worth more dead than alive, as most of us are I imagine, all the money paid into pensions and insurances whilst I have been working, are to go to others. What's in it for me???
Told you my anger could be self pity in disguise! lol
So, in a nutshell,
"It's a bag of b*ll*cks!"

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