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Tuesday, 30 November 2010

1st Dec

Pinch and a punch, first of the month, White Rabbit!
Or something like that anyway.
As yesterday morning really.
I will be glad when the appointment letter comes for the Oncologist, although, I feel that things will happen on 'the hurry up' after that, If I choose to have the treatment.
Still snowing...Urgh!

Back home 29.11.10

Going to work was better than I expected, as I said earlier, but coming back was interesting.
The snow was settling on the lanes of the M6, Northbound between jct.7 and jct.8!
Snowed all the way untill I reached M54. Then, only a couple of flakes.
Anyway, back to the original topic,
I spoke before of a distinctive smell, well, I hadn't noticed it for a while, but this morning it was quite strong.
I seem to be the only one that can smell it though.
Catch you tomorrow.

At work now (Sorry Boss, if you are reading!)

Well, this morning's 'Eeeek' was much a do about nothing. Tra la!!!
No problems at all until I was about 100 yards or so away from work. The road there is a bit hairy, and unless the snow/slush disappears, it will become compacted like last year and become an ice rink.
Well, 'Suck it up', I hear you say lol!
Have a good day!

Monday, 29 November 2010

30th November EEEEEK!

Snow! not alot, but snow never the less.
I love to walk in it, play in it and look at it......but drive in it....I hate it, it scares me. O.K. there isn't a lot, and I will manage to drive to work, but I am not looking forward to it.
The things that worries me most are.....will there be more, so it is very difficult to get home, and where I work, the roads leading to it don't get gritted and it is very slippery and often dangerous when it snows.
So, I am off for my shower, and then I will brace myself for the glorious M6 in the snow.

29th November, back home

Ooooooooo, I have had a headache that would kill 2 men all day....
I don't usually get headaches, but then, I imagine that it is a bit of tension.
Didn't complete everything that I wanted to today, but hey ho, another day tomorrow.

Sunday, 28 November 2010

29th Nov

Feeling fine, the only thing that I am concerned about this morning is travelling to work, it isn't snowing, but it is cold, miserable and icy.
I think that I was a bear in a previous life, I can't stand the cold, and all I want to do is hibernate.
Driving in the snow scares me, so I hope that we don't get any.
So......shower and the M6 for me now.
Have a good day!

Saturday, 27 November 2010

28th Nov

Good Morning!
Feeling good. Still feeling tired though. I have a rash on my back, but I think that it is a nervous thing. When I asked about it,  I was told that there is no evidence to suggest that it is connected.
When I wake in the mornings there is a 'different' smell about me. It isn't unpleasant, just not my usual smell.
There is no documented evidence that it is related, however, I was told that many people with cancer have told their 'keyworker/nurse' that they can smell their cancer.
Again, this is probably nothing to be concerned with.
Have a good day...I intend to!

Friday, 26 November 2010

27th Nov

Hi again,
I have just read through the blog and I have noticed that I have made some spelling errors and that I have repeated myself, but then I decided that those who are interested will work their way through it, and those who aren't won't notice it, because they won't read it, so I'm not that worried.
Anyway, in one of the earlier blogs, I said that the hardest thing was no one wanted to mention it at home....well, since then my husband has read it and started to talk, well, he kept telling me I was wrong to feel this way, wrong to make this decision, wrong to do this that and the other, all that made me want to do was to hit him on the nose....SO......I have realised that what I want is someone to look interested in what I have to say, nod in the right places and be quiet!
By the way, I am writing this regular blog because the litreature from the hospital said that it would be a good idea because it may help others in a similar situation. I hope that someone out there is getting something from it.

Confessions of a cancer patient: 26th Nov

Confessions of a cancer patient: 26th Nov: "Thinking time on the M6....... After having time to think about the discussions with the consultant on Monday, I phoned today to ask ques..."


There is a university in Texas that has done some research on neuro endocrine small cell carsanoma, and I emailed them to see if they have any further information on it. So, now, I will wait and see what happens.

26th Nov

Thinking time on the M6.......

After having time to think about the discussions with the consultant on Monday, I phoned today to ask questions. I asked for absolute honesty. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't misinterpreted anything.

Questions and answers as follows:-

Q          How certain are you that I still have cancer at the original site?
A          No certainty. But very high probability that the primary is in the ‘bartholomew’ gland based on research on documented cases. (Not sure I got name of gland right! Lol)

Q          How certain are you that I have cancerous cells floating in my blood stream?
A          No certainty, but high probability because of evidence in blood vessels to and from removed tumour.

Q          What is your professional opinion of my life expectancy with treatment, assuming that I have cancer?
A          Don’t know because it is that rare that we have nothing to benchmark it against.

Q          What is your professional opinion of my life expectancy without treatment, assuming that I have cancer?
A          Same as above.

Q          For arguments sake, I have cancer and prognosis is better with treatment, what are the benefits of going private?
A          Same Oncologist working with you either way, it wouldn’t be done quicker. Radiotherapy will have to take place in Newcross hospital anyway, because that is where the machine is.

Q          How long will I be in hospital each day receiving my treatment.
A          Depends, Chemo, all day, Radio about 2 hours, both together all day.

Q          Can I drive there and back.
A          Unlikely, will be very sore below with radio, will be sleepy and feel generally unwell, same for chemo, but probably not have sore ‘bits’ if treatments are consecutive, have the lot if simultaneous.

Q          The literature on the treatments list many unpleasant side effects, how many on average will I get.
A          Unlikely that you will get all of them at once, but depends on what therapy, how intense, both together, separately etc, most, half, some…don’t know.

Well, depending on what the Oncologist says, I think that with the above info, I don't think that I will bother with the treatment.
As I said, I will wait and see what the Oncologist says.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

26th November

The first time ever....I had to be woken up to get ready for work. I feel very tired.
I feel well, still very positive, but I would love to go back to bed.
Shower and back on the wonderful M6!

Back home now

Travelling to work this morning gave me time to think.
I have to use the glorified car park called the M6. A great equaliser though, it doesn't matter what you drive, you are not going to get there before the old bashed relaint robin!!!
Anyway, I digress!
I was wondering if it is worth putting myself through all that aggro and discomfort for maybe's and perhaps's.
Will it extend my life? if so, how long? What quality of life and on and on and on.
I was feeling miserable and sorry for myself.
But then, I arrived at work and spoke to a man who has tesicular cancer, he started daily chemo last Friday, and he looks well, and says that he feels fine.
Great news. I am feeling better again now.
If there is anyone out there who has been through something similar, I love to hear from you...but then again, I dare say that there are very few people interested in a blog such as this...
A big HI! to all of you that are reading.

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Confessions of a cancer patient: 25th Nov

Confessions of a cancer patient: 25th Nov: "Feeling good today. Off to work in an hour. Being at work takes my mind off it. (unless someone mentions it)."

25th Nov

Feeling good today. Off to work in an hour.
Being at work takes my mind off it. (unless someone mentions it).

Confessions of a cancer patient: The hardest thing so far....

Confessions of a cancer patient: The hardest thing so far....: "Family don't want to talk about the cancer, the treatment and preparing for the future. It is like not knowing someone well.... People that ..."

Confessions of a cancer patient: Decisions, Decisions.

Confessions of a cancer patient: Decisions, Decisions.: "I am scared. I am more scared of the treatment than the cancer right now. I will add comments daily about how I feel. Bye"

Confessions of a cancer patient: I had a CT scan yesterday.I needed to drink a lit...

Confessions of a cancer patient: I had a CT scan yesterday.
I needed to drink a lit...
: "I had a CT scan yesterday. I needed to drink a litre of 'stuff' in 1 hour. Shock! Horror! I was expecting it to taste really nasty. Well, I ..."

The story so far......

A few months ago, I noticed a lump. It was painful, but it felt like many other lumps that I have had throughout the years. They have all been sists. Some painful when infected and others just there.
Anyway, I wasn't worried until it became a problem due to the pain, little things like sitting, driving, get the drift.
Anyway, I went to the Doctor, he referred me to the hospital.
When I went to the hospital, the lump was too painful to examine, so an appointment was made to have the examination under anaesthetic.
I went to the day patient department at Newcross Hospital for the op.
The surgeon came to see me and I asked if it would be possible to take the thing out whist she was already in there instead of just taking enough to do the biopsy. At this point we were all believing that it was an infected sist.
Down I went for the op.
When I awoke, the surgeon said that she was able to remove the lot in one go and I needed to wait for the results.

About 3 weeks later, I received a phone call from the Hospital. I was asked to attend in 2 days.
This I did.
I was informed that the lump was cancer. It was an unusual cancer.
It was "Neuro Endocrine Small Cell Cancer".
I week later, I had to have a CT scan That was yesterday.