Friday 9th September

Welllllllll now!
Not a  lot to say today.
I have completed my first week back to work, all be it only 2 days...Monday and Wednesday.
Certainly a lot more tiring than I thought that it was going to be.
When I get home, I just collapse on the settee, and let out a sigh of relief! Lol!
I am sure that by the time I am on a full 5 day week, I will be up and running at full capacity again..........Yay!

What's going on as far as my lovely new full time companion goes...Cancer.........

I have heard nothing from the Oncologist, so MY ASSUMPTION is.................
They will leave my brain alone, and wait for further symptoms....Yay!
My blood test are all clear......Yay!
The X-ray on my hips showed nothing earth shattering....Yay!

My teeth...
Had one out, Oh, my word, it is bliss! Yay!
Hmmmmm, the extraction was uncomfortable, and I still need 1 tooth 'seen to'.
BUT, it is only 1 tooth....Yay!
As I said, all of the above are ASSUMPTIONS.......But until I am told differently, I still say Yay!

My bone scan....
That is next Friday, and it will be painless, apart from the insertion of the drip thing in my hand or arm......
BUT, that takes less than 10 seconds! Yay!

My lingering side effects from the chemo and radio.............
Neuropathy, I can live with that,
just making a couple of changes to they way I 'dress' my feet, care for my feet and walk sometimes, no real problems....Yay!
Tinnitus, That is a nuisance, but, just like moving house close to railway line, I dare say that I will get more used to it as time goes by.....Yay!
Phlebitis,  Hmmmm, strange one this, I am surprised that I still get it occasionally, but I do, and that is that! I still have the cream that I was prescribed, so if it is really annoying, I just slap some on. Yay!
Tiredness and lethargy,  This is the worst thing for me, because I like to get up and do stuff, the fact is, I really can't be bothered most of the time, and on the odd occasion that I do, I am so tired doing it! BUT, I do know that it will go eventually! Can't really find it in my heart to give it a yay.....soooo a Ya will have to do!
Poor memory, truth is...it was pretty crap before, so carry on as before, but just more so...Post it noted, calendars, and good friends are always around, so, yep...this can still have a Yay!

Stomach Cramps.......not sure if these are a side effect or something else...never the less, the medication that I have been prescribe has certainly reduced them substantially.....(which reminds me, I had better go and take it when I have finished here), BUT, writing this has reminded me, so.....Yay! and Yay again for the meds!

Next Oncology appointment.
2nd or is it the 3rd of November...you know better than me! I posted it somewhere here, Lol! (I did put in on my calendar)....so Yay!

Hopefully, all my assumptions are correct, and there is nothing wrong with my bones, and I will get a pat on the head, a 'Bob Martin', and be sent home with an appointment in 3 months......So Yay! (I think).

For some one with nothing to say, I haven't done too badly! Lol!
Perhaps I should have just reduced the writings on this post to one word!

Yay!

LoL!

Now, for the final picture, what shall it be?.................

7th September - after the dentist

OK, Had my dental appointment yesterday, and I had a tooth pulled. I was expecting to have it out, it was so loose!
I hated the 'jab', but he was very gentle, or as gentle as a man can be when he is yanking a tooth out!
I have to go on Wednesday for further treatment....filing a tooth down and filling it...more 'jabs'....yukky!

I have an appointment on Friday 16th September for an Isotope scan at the Nuclear imaging dept.
This will take from 10.30am until 2.30pm.

This scan will show any activity in the cells in the bones.
I will have an injection of liquid radioactive isotope tracer into my arm or hand.
There will be a long waiting period for the stuff to work, then I get the scan done.
There are risks/side effects, not sure what they are, but I am assured that this scan would not be recommended unless the 'benefits' out weighed the 'risks!'
Make of that what you will!
Afterwards, I need to avoid close contact, (over 1 hour long or closer that 1 metre), with any children or pregnant women to avoid exposing them to radiation!

Whooppeeedeeee! All good stuff!

I spent another day at work today.....blimey, it is tiring! You just don't realise how tired all the treatment has made you until you try to get back into swing of things....thank heaven that I am on a phased return to work!

6th September - Just some silliness

OK.....................................

I was doing a 'sponsored walk' for Mencap.
The walk was over a distance of 21 miles in length.
A beautiful day! I made some sandwiches, filled a couple of large bottles with water,
packed up my rucksack...........
I took Tandy, my beautiful dog....Collie/Labrador cross, (Water, bowl and treats for her also packed).
We jumped in the car, (A red Volkswagon Polo).
Of we drive to the meeting point.
This was at a large park, Mencap had their premises there.

There was no parking there, so I parked on a street.
All the streets were narrow, and there were terraced houses on both sides, two up, two down. There were many streets.
Any way, I eventually found a space, parked up, and me and Tandy walked to the meeting point, with time to spare.
Tandy and the other dogs went 'bum sniffing', as they do, and we people, did our own version of the same, introducing, chatting, hugging....you know.

Ok, time for the off, by this time, every one had gather in their cliques, again, a very natural thing....and off we went.

The sun is still shining, lots of talking, laughing and stopping for little breaks, eating, drinking.....you get the picture.

O.K. 21 Miles completed!!!!!

Yay!

Back to the car!

All the good byes done, final bout of 'bum sniffing', not me, Tandy!

We headed back to the car................NOT THERE!

I walked up and down the street loads of times, definitely NOT THERE!

It has been stolen!!!!!!!

No mobiles phones then..........I went searching for a phone box 

There wasn't one on the street where I parked the car, so I went to other streets.

I am on the next Street, and see a phone box........Bummer, it is broken.

Now on another street with a phone box, that one is also buggered.

Right now I am really tired and really stressed! We stopped for a while, Tandy had a couple of treats, and some water, and I had an apple.

OK, off to the next street, I am still eating my apple.

Another phone box! AND....it is working!!!!!!

Yay!

Back then, there were phone books in phone boxes, and some numbers under glass that were useful. (There were also business cards stuck to the inside of the box offering 'various services'. Most of these cards were hand written..........that's by the by.

Any how, looked for the number of the local Police Station and dialled.......

I explained what had happened to the man that answered, he said that there was an officer in the area, and he would meet me in a moment. I had given him the name of the street, and it was agreed that I would meet him by the phone box.

I set Tandy up with water and treats while we waited, I was still chomping on my apple.

Shortly after, the police officer arrived. I told him the whole story, gave him the make and model of my car, and the registration number. I told him where I had parked it. He dutifully wrote down all of the details, and then a really weird look came to his face. He squinted, and briskly walked a few paces passed me in the direction that he was facing......................

I was turning around to see where he had gone, I thought that he had 'flipped!' Lol!

As I was turning, he called me. He was now standing still, about 50 yards away.

I started to walk towards him........................................

Oh, my goodness!

What an idiot!

He was standing right next to my car! Clearly, I had been looking on the wrong street! That was exactly where I had left it.

The police officer was NOT amused!

He was clearly annoyed. He gave me a jolly good telling off! I felt terrible!

Ooooops!

Sadly, I didn't learn from this experience, I have 'lost' my car so many times.......................(But, I have not called the police)!

5th September - After 1st Day back at work

Today was my first day back at work.
It was great to see the people that I haven't seen for such a long time.
A friend and colleague, (Claire), brought lunch, which was great.
Another, (Sandra), was clearly pleased to see me.
I received a beautiful 'Welcome back' bouquet.
3 people came from Head Office to see me and welcome me back....I had loads of hugs and warm welcomes from most of the tenants.
It was awesome!
There were a couple of incidents that I could have done without, but all in all, it went well.
To be honest, I didn't do much....I was just there......Lol!

The plan so far is that I work:-
Week 1                                Monday and Wednesday
Week 2                                Tuesday and Thursday
Week 3                                Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday
Week 4                                As week 3
Week 5                               Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday
Week 6                               As week 5
Week 7                              Monday-Friday
And Bob's your uncle!

 Now, I am soooo tired!!!!!

Yawn!

Tomorrow to recover!!!!

4th September - Some tips for getting through therapy

Some of the following tips I have posted before, and some are new ones.

The main one I think will be useful for everyone........

This will help with:-
Piles
Constipation
Diarrhoea
Sore bum for any reason.

With any of the above, your bum gets sore.

Piles, because they are a pain in the arse
Constipation because of all of the 'pushing' and dryness,
Diahorrea, because of 'overuse' and over wiping..

Get some Aqueous cream.
When you need to wipe your bum after using the loo, get the toilet paper, dip it in the pot of cream, and wipe the bum area, (front to back).
Repeat with a fresh piece of paper until clean.

The cream is a great cleanser, it aids with lubrication,(constipation), and it soothes and cools, (piles and diahorrea).It doesn't sting like some 'wipes' do. It is easy to flush.


When your hair starts to come out, shave your head. It stops you getting hairs in your food, and finding it all over the place.                                                                           Make sure that you don't shave it 'to the bone', because you will end up   'velco-ing' your head to your pillow at night when you try to sleep...........Well, I did anyway.....very uncomfortable!

Keep chunks or slices of melon in the fridge to make sure that you keep hydrated, particularly if you find it difficult to drink loads of stuff throughout the day. (This is a tip I got from someone else, a really goos one too).


The next few tips, I think will only be useful for someone having radiotherapy on their vagina.(But maybe  not).

When the anaesthetic gel was prescribed, I used it, it was suggested that it should be used without the aqueous cream.
I did try it, but it made the area feel tight...like it would split with every step that I took.
What I found helpful, was to apply the gel, wait a few moments, and then add the smallest amount of aqueous cream.

When the anti-bacterial gel was prescribed, I had to mix equal amounts of the two gels, and then apply.
The anti-bacterial gel served as the aqueous cream had done, and I was then able to stop using it.


After using the loo to wee...DO NOT use toilet paper to wipe.
The paper disintegrates and little bits of it stick to the sensitive area adding to the irritation and discomfort.

Get a flannel, rinse it through, and wring it as dry as you can.
Make sure that it is not hot, this will aggravate the situation.
Do not make it cold either, although it is very soothing and cooling, it tends to cause discomfort a few minutes afterwards.

My advice would be to get the flannel, rinse and ring out.
Leave it in a safe and clean place, ensuring that everyone in the household knows that it is for your use only.
When you need it, it will be about room temp.
Gently pat the area with the flannel, then apply creams as required.
Rinse the flannel again, ready for the next use.
Use a fresh flannel everyday.


Carry a clean and damp flannel with you if you are going out to mop up any leaks. Take a plastic bag with you to keep the flannel in.
Again, do not use toilet paper or tissues for the same reasons as previously mentioned.


Relax and meditate as much as possible.

4th September

Well, here I am at 1.20am........blogging!
Why? I hear you cry!
Because I went to bed too early last night, and stayed in bed too long this morning!

That'll teach me!

I went to bed at at 11.00pm, tossed and turned....tossed and turned again!
Well.......... then, I thought......................................................

'Bugger it, get up and watch some T.V!' 

(And blog)! Lol!
Law and Order Special Victims Unit is on the screen as I speak, well, type!
(And that stupid Ikea advert where two people start chucking socks and undies all over the bedroom)!  Completely nuts if you ask me!

I feel a digression coming on.........................................You may ask,
'Digression from what?'
And I will answer,
'No idea!!!!' Lol!

Any way, 'I wanna tell you a story'....(Max Bygraves, eat your heart out)!

In the 70's, I was training to be a psychiatric nurse in Leicester...........................
Loving it!
Any way, my Aunt's partner sadly passed, and Mum and I went to London for the funeral. We went by coach.
On the way back, we were at the coach station waiting for the coach home.

A man came up to my Mum, and asked if she had any cheese. He had a very strong Scottish twang, and I believe that he had had a tipple..........................................
I said to Mum,
'Don't worry, I'll deal with this, I am in training for this sort of thing'.
Mum stepped aside, and I started to interact with him.

I opened my bag so that he could see in, I smiled and said,
'I am so sorry, but neither of us have any cheese, but I will happily buy you a cheese sandwich'.

The man looked a little confused for a fleeting moment, then looked sympathetic.
He looked at My Mum and said,
'You need to take this woman home, she f*cking crazy.....have you got any change?'

That was my first lesson in how to keep your mouth shut and not be too cocky!
Me and my Mum laughed all the way home!

Lol!

That will teach me...........

I hope so, some one needs to!

3rd September.

I went to Bristol to see Robert yesterday. I had a great day, the sun was shining, and we spent a few wonderful hours, out in the gardens. Robert was very pleased to see me.
We sat on the grass, picking clovers and generally playing about!

(For those who don't know, Robert is my eldest son,  he is 33 years old this year, he has severe learning disabilities, no verbal communication, and has the mind of a 1 year old child).

It was fantastic to know that Robert hadn't had an epileptic fit for 2 months! Yay!

The trip there was fine, no hold ups, good music, what else could there be.........
On the way back, however, the M5 was snarled up, and the M6 is always snarled up, so I returned home on 449, through Kidderminster...And that was all snarled up!
I should have arrived home at about 5.45pm. (Usually about a 2 hour drive).
7.00pm is when I arrived home.....bloody nightmare!

I was completely knackered, went to bed, and stayed there....fast asleep until 9.30 this morning! Slept like a brick!

Something that I forgot to tell you yesterday, the other thing that Roxanne said on the phone when I told her about the brain lump................
'How the hell did it get from your crotch to your head?'

I thought that it was funny anyway.....Lol!

1st September - After Oncologist Appointment

Well now......where to begin!

You know that I had a brain scan a while ago?
Well, I had the results today.

They found something.

They found a small lump in the middle of the right side, at the top.....sort of 11 o'clock, and back a bit, (if you are facing me).
It is believed to be benign....
(Which is from the Latin, meaning friendly, never say that you don't learn anything here on this blog! Lol!)

Anyway, this, apparently explains some of the symptoms that I have shown.
Discussions will take place between my Ocologist and a Neurologist. So I just have to wait now.

I had to have an x-ray on my hips today too, it is believed that my joints have been effected by the radiotherapy or I have arthritis....again, wait and see.

I had some blood tests done. I have to have a mammogram, some sort of test on my bones, and I have  been put on medication for my stomach cramps. These are either as a result of the treatment(s), or the symptoms of possible further 'issues'.
Again, wait and see..................................

The lethargy and tiredness are to be expected, and may last for a very long time. The tinnitus, the same.....So....suck it up! Lol!

My 'short fuse?'..........
My Mum complained to the Ocologist about that.
The oncologist said that it was to be expected considering all of the treatment that I have experienced over the past few months........................

My daughter said:-
 'Rubbish! You have always had a bad temper!' Lol!

Who? Moi? Never!!

(She wasn't there, this came up in a phone conversation after the appointment.)

The neuropathy in my feet....nothing can be done, the pain that I get some times is due to this, and I need to be careful what shoes I wear and where I walk etc..........which I do.

I have to see the Oncologist every 3 months for the rest of my life.
My next appointment is 3rd November.

The good news is:-
The infection that I had is gone, there is no indication that the original lump has returned.
It is believed that the lump on my brain is benign.
All the test that the Oncologist believes that I need are under way or done.
Any idiotic things that I do, I can blame on the brain lump! Lol!

(Phew! An excuse at last!)
I am able to go back to work.

I am going back to work on Monday....a phased return over 6 weeks.

So now, unless there is something that I NEED to know on the 'hurry up', it is returning to the watchful waiting, and another appointment on 3rd November.

So, all is well on the Western Front!

31st August

Well, according to the papers, it's official........................................
We have had NO summer this year!
(If I am not mistaken, this year has been no different to the last 2 years,
Lovely in April and then slowly down hill).

Well, what can we do?

Going to see the oncologist tomorrow morning, and my Doctor tomorrow afternoon.
This should be the last time for 3 months.
I expect to be 'signed off', as fit for work, (or as fit as I am ever going to be, anyway).
I will mention my niggles, and 'changes' to my body and bits and pieces, there have been no additions/changes to the list that I wrote in an earlier post, so I guess that this is my 'new normal'.

Oh, I am telling you fibs! My hip joints are getting more troublesome instead of better, but, 'you can't make an omelette with out breaking eggs'.

After all that has happened, I should expect some 'rack and ruin!' Lol!

I will report back tomorrow after the afore mentioned appointments!

Sunday 28th August

No real change....nagging cramps, not debilitating though, I can still get on and do stuff....just there....in the back ground....nagging!

Weather, cool and changeable.

It was very windy overnight, and my tomatoes, that are in pots, blew over!
Sorted it out this morning, so no harm done.
They are really taking their time in ripening!
They are a decent size, but still very green!

The magpies are teasing Dougal, really funny to watch!

They land on the grass, Dougal approaches in 'stealth mode', the closest flies off and another comes and lands behind him, then off the go again, Dougal approaches in 'stealth mode', magpie flies off and the other lands right behind Dougal!

Saturday 27th August

Stomach cramps woke me again last night.

I always feel so hot!

That, and cramps, I thought that it was not worth trying to force my self to sleep, so I got up, had some herbal tea, and  sat in the garden for an hour or so.

Went back to bed and slept until 07.00am.

No idea why or what it is, I don't get them all the time. There is a nag there now, but it is not problematic when it is like this.

Well, only a few days before I see the oncologist again, so I will find out what it is, if anything, then.

As I said before, probably just an accumulation of stuff.......keeping control and trying to be strong through all the treatment, learning that I am in remission, and feeling able to relax a little, and it ALL comes out. I suppose something has to give.

Anyway, back to work Monday week, that will bring a little normality back into my life, this will sort out all the aches and pains! Lol!

Probably what I really need, anyway!!!!!

Friday 26th August

I slept well last night....no weird stuff either!
I only got up once in the night for the loo.
Great!

Yesterday, I went to Leicester to see Roxanne, and catch up after the 'Honeymoon', and see all the photo's and pick some out to have framed for me!

Leicester Town Hall Square.

I went on the M6 Toll Road. It took just under an hour, there were 2 services on route that I could use if needed. (And they weren't needed! Yay!)

M6 Toll Road.

£5.30 to use this Road

Amazing that it is quicker to get to Leicester than to get to work in the morning.

Or, use this for free....Ordinary M6

Now you can see why it takes longer to get to work than to travel to another County.

I couldn't afford to pay for the toll road every day to get to work, but I do treat myself if I am going South for any other purpose, after all, it is so occasional!

Anyway, we had a little wander around the shops and the market. Had lunch and came home.

I was back in Wolverhampton at 5.00pm. I was exhausted though and did little for the rest of the day!

Not sure that I am going to do very much more today either!
I think that I will just sit and finish reading my book!

Thursday 25th August

Slept like a brick all night last night!

Some weird sensations whilst laying just before sleep.
I could hear my own heart, banging so loudly in my chest, my limbs were really heavy,  and I felt unable to move them!
It felt like hot water coursing through my veins.....arms legs and trunk.
Not in my hands feet and head though.
I did feel a bit light headed though.....a bit like being drunk.............

I did feel a bit sick........it felt like my whole bed was rocking, so it was probably sea sickness lol!

Don't know how long these sensations lasted, because I fell asleep during them, so, they clearly weren't that bad. In fact, if it wasn't for the nausea, it would have been quite pleasant!

No stomach cramps during the night, but I did get some milder ones before I went to bed.

I feel completely drained this morning, but I am sure that after my shower and after I have put some 'slap' on, I will feel fine.

I imagine that all of these 'symptoms' are quite normal, it is so easy to forget that I have undergone some major treatments, and there are bound to be some effects that linger, or that come on some time after wards.

I want to sleep deeply again tonight....without the nausea though!

It rained all night, so it smells very 'fresh' outside today. It isn't too cold though.

23rd August

Just gone noon now.
I have been up for quite a while, i have sorted the washing and decided what to cook for dinner..........
Still feeling quite sick, so I doubt that I will want much to eat.
I am so tired, probably because I was up during the night with the stomach cramps.
They are still there, but more of a nag than they were last night..........I was expecting an Alien to burst forth, the cramps were that bad! LOL!

Oh well, tonight is another night, I imagine that I will get some sleep then............ feeling all snuggly, just thinking about it!

24th August - only by 20 minutes

Here we are again....
Seems like ages ago that I was having trouble sleeping and was up at this hour 'blogging'.

I have been getting stomach cramps and they seem to be getting worse.
This is the first time that they have kept me awake though....(well, since I was undergoing treatment anyway).

I feel sick, that, and the cramps are keeping me awake.

I really don't want to start taking pain killers and sleeping tablets again, not now, after all this time.

No idea at all what it is. Hopefully, it will be short lived, and if not, no worries, I get to see the Oncologist next week. I shall take my list with me to make sure that I mention it.
As I have said on numerous occasions, my memory is really rubbish now, I am surprised that I can still remember my own name and address!!!!!

Well, I am going to have a wander around the garden, it is a beautiful night, and so very peaceful right now.

Hmmmmmm, I think that a nice mug of Ovaline is in order too!

23rd August

Well........
I was told that treatment would effect my teeth and gums, which, indeed, it did!

My mouth became sore and loads of stuff.............................

One of my teeth became loose, it is an issue now, I have made a dental appointment, and as usual with dentists, there is a wait......
Now, I have more teeth becoming loose, it wouldn't surprise me if they all fell out soon!
I know one will be gone when I get back from the dentist!

Ho hum, looks like I might end up with dentures!

Bloody Hell!!!!!!!

22nd August

Well, today is my son, Keith's birthday! Happy Birthday Keith!

No more exploding glasses today! Lol!

I feel so....Nowhere..........
I can't explain it really.

OK, I know that I still have cancer. I know that it is in 'remission', (behaving, not growing, just waiting, spying on me...............)

So, is it re-grouping for another attack? Exhausted, and given up the fight? Lulling me into a false sense of security?

Is it looking for other places to set up home? Just slowly infiltrating the rest of my body? In tiny pieces in my blood stream....(as is suspected by the Doctors etc)?

All this not knowing is doing my head in!

It doesn't matter how hard I try to forget, and believe that I am now free of all of this, it just niggles at the back of my mind.

Will I every stop feeling tired? Will my memory return to it's former self?
(Which has always been a bit 'suspect', lol!)
Will this bloody awful buzzing and ringing in my ears ever go away?

Will I ever get rid rid of this persistent headache?

I don't know!!!!! No one knows!!!!!

I am in the 'watchful waiting' stage....Is this a 'forever' thing?

Welcome to uncertainty, to Limbo Land!

21st August - Now for something completely different.......

Each evening, Mum put a glass of water on the coffee table so that she can remember to take her meds in the morning.....nothing strange about that.........

She uses an ordinary glass, and fills it with tap water....nothing strange there.......

Came down this morning to shattered glass everywhere! Now we are getting strange.....

The base of the glass was still on it's coaster, all shattered, it looked like it would fall to bits if it was touched, well, it didn't...stranger still......

The rest of the glass was in chards and nuggets all over the living room, the settee, chair and coffee table....more strange.......

Stranger still...........nothing was wet!

Do do do do....do do do do..........

The Twilight Zone!!!!!!!!!!

Oh...don't go away yet....I haven't finished!!!!!!

Then.......

Mum walked down the garden and back, and a beautiful white feather floated from above and landed on the ground, right in front of her!!!!!!!

We actually saw it floating down!

Weird or what??

20th August

Well, only 2 weeks to go before I go back to work, after 9 months off, this may take some getting used to! Lol!
Being out of the house for 11 hours each day after being at home!
To be honest, it is only the last 3 weeks or so that I have been feeling close to the way I did before this 'journey through cancer'.

I am expecting that the Doctor will advise a phased back to work, which should help.
As I have said before, I have to go and see the Oncologist on Thursday 1st September, then go to the Doctor on Friday 2nd to be 'signed off'.  (I hope).

I am proud to say, that I have been asked to be an 'Ambassador' for a cancer site called 'Navigating Cancer'. (The link to it is in red further down this page on the right).

I am honoured to have been asked.
I hope that I do the 'job' justice, and can help as many people as possible during their diagnosis, treatment and recovery.

19th August - Just a little rant......................

I have been looking at various cancer sites over the past year, and gaining support, and hopefully giving support.
Today, I read a 'discussion' that was most interesting...........
The people were talking about what others have said to them and reactions from others in general.
Well, yes, I have experienced similar, felt very much the same as the cancer patients who had posted, but never did anything about it, despite how the comments and reactions made me feel, so I am going to do it now!

The experiences mentioned are from people in face to face interactions, ones that know me very well, ones that I see in town, in my local area and generally...in the flesh, even family!

Some comments to me..........

• "I have looked your cancer up on the internet.......you are going to have to be very lucky to survive it...."
• "Oh, my Aunty went through the same as you last year, she died though..."
• "You look too well to have cancer, are you sure that you aren't fibbing to me?"
• "Oh well, never mind, could be worse, could be me with cancer..lol!"

Of course, I try to be as positive as I can for as much of the time as I can.....there are the odd occasions when I am not positive...........I defy any one, with or without cancer to be positive ALL OF THE TIME!

So....telling me to be positive on the odd occasion when I am not makes me want to punch the person that has said it!

These are just some examples of what has been said to me..............

The other thing that I have noticed is, some people who would speak to me regularly, even seek me out, avoid me like the plague, have even crossed to road to avoid speaking to me.............

People who have never spoken to me seek me out and want the gruesome details...they, of course, are life's 'ambulance chasers'.

Well, now I have got that off of my chest I want to say that it is easier not to address these issues as they arise, because conflict, challenges and bad atmospheres are the last thing that we need.

Why oh why, is it us who think about not offending the people who say and do these things...................................... 

When this is how we feel!

We smile sweetly, and forgive......

For they no not what they do..........................

18th August

Well, I have been feeling a bit 'down' for the last couple of days. No idea why.
I wasn't feeling unwell in any way, just a bit low.

But, Today.........................


I feel good!


No rhyme or reasoning behind it that I can see, but all is well with the world today, so far.................


http://youtu.be/XgDrJ5Z2rKw

This is a video of James Brown...great, have a little look, 'cos this is how I feel today!

16th August

Well, nothing much to report.
I have to go and see my Oncologist again on first of September.
This, I think may be the last time for 3 months.
We are now in the 'watchful waiting' period.
Anyway, I have compiled a list of things that I want to mention, I am sure that I will be asked about how I am feeling, what side effects are still hanging on etc.
My memory has never been particularly good, as I have mentioned before, and it is worse now.........
So.........
I have been making a list and adding or deleting things as required. This, I will take and share with her.
(There are a couple of things on it that I have meant to mention at previous appointments, but forgot to do so).

Now list so far....(which I am sure will change as the days and weeks pass), but here it is for the NOW!

How I feel now – August 2011

Side effects/symptoms

• ·        Painful joints, especially hips and knees.
• ·        Tinnitus. (No improvement).
• ·        Hot sweats.
• ·        Feeling cold some times when no one else does.
• ·        Itchy spots to back, chest and midriff.
• ·        Headaches.
• ·        Impaired vision.
• ·        Sore mouth and loose tooth.
• ·        Lethargy.
• ·        Easily tired generally, but especially after working.
• ·        Loosing weight…(but that is good).
• ·        Short tempered.
• ·        Sore throat.
• ·        Stomach cramps, (upper abdomen).
• ·        Feel sick sometimes.
• ·        Some neuropathy in both feet.
• ·        Palpitations.
• ·        Occasional Dizziness.

Non of the above are causing too many problems, and do not effect my life and stuff that has to be done, I may be a bit slower, but all in all, no real issues.

The 1st September should be the end, (other than the regular 3 monthly check ups and the ongoing 'watchful waiting!'

Navigating Cancer

Dashboard - Navigating Cancer

This is a great place to go if you need support and help, if you are a survivor, undergoing treatment, carer, family member...just have a look around, it may help!

Saturday 13th August

I think that I will take a trip into town today...ON MY OWN!

The only time that I have been into town on my own since I was diagnosed, is Thursday just gone, I was in and out in less than 1 hour!

Whilst there I noticed that a Cafe that I used every Saturday before diagnoses, had closed down.
This, in turn, reminded me of a man that I saw every Saturday...............................

Ooooo, about 4-5 years ago, I always saw this man, he would be sitting on the pavement by the cafe, begging. He didn't look very well.
I find it difficult to assess people's ages, but I would say that he was in his twenties.
Anyway, I would always give him some change. Over a few months, I started to chat with him and  buy him a cup of tea, in fact, the cafe owner would already have a coffee and a tea set up on the counter by the time I got in there! Lol!

Shortly after that, he started to sell the 'Big Issue'.

As time went on, he started to look a lot better, a bit more healthy.

On dry days, I would buy a coffee for me  and a tea for him, we would sit on some steps chatting. Sometimes we would sit at a table, if the cafe had put their tables and chairs outside.

I never knew his name, but I Learned that this man had a brother, his brother had a dog, and this man would bring the dog out sometimes too. He was a very 'robust' Pit Bull. A lovely animal.
The man had some issues with his leg, and some times it would be bandaged and he would be limping.

The thing that I noticed and admired was, if he saw a friend of his, who was also selling the 'Big Issue' in another part of town, he would give him half of the cup of tea that I had bought him, neither of the men would allow me to buy an extra cup so that they could have a cup each........

The last time I saw him, he was looking a bit unwell again, this was just before or around Christmas. Due to many reasons, I haven't been into town on a Saturday in the last 9 months or so, so I haven't seen him.

I intend to go into town today, at the time that I used to go and see if he is still around.....I would be very interested in seeing how he  is getting on  now.

He may have moved 'spots' as the cafe has closed down, but I don't see why, because the 'foot fall' in that area wont have changed because it is one of the busy entrances to the shopping mall.

Oh well, I hope that I see him to catch up, if not, I wish him well........................

This picture is NOT him, but you get the idea!

12th August

I had my brain scan this morning.....
Totally different to the last one.
I had to have my head clamped in position, wear ear defenders and had this cage thing put over my head.
I had to strip off completely too this time, but I didn't last time.
The machine was different as well.

The department that I went to was called,
'Nuclear Imaging'.
Just plain 'ol Radiography last time.

Anyway, I am sure that there is no problem and that I am well.
The only thing that needs to heal and clear up is the infection that I have in the internal open radiotherapy burns.

Tinnitus, tiredness, headaches and poor memory are things that will be with me for some considerable time to come.

But, Hey.......................
Small price to pay for REMISSION!

I don't think that there is any problem with my brain, but I think that the Doctor wanted me to have the scan because of the headaches that I am getting, and because I can't remember simple words some times.
My memory is pretty bad now, although, it wasn't great before!

I am really pleased that I had ear defenders because the thing was bloody noisy!

I need to see the oncologist again on 1st September.

Wednesday 10th August

The riots here are a bit of a pain in the bum, although to be fair, we have not been directly effected. I feel so sorry for the businesses that are being looted, particularly the small ones, all their hard work and money............................
The shops here took precautions by removing their 'lootables' from the shop windows and closing early last evening. Don't know how successful that has been yet.

I am beginning to believe that there is no 'cause' to these riots...it is just a poor excuse to be violent and to loot the shops....any sympathy that I may have had is now long gone!

Back to cancer and remission...........

How do I feel?
Quite good actually!

I have little to no appetite, so I am not eating much, for example, all I have yesterday was a bowl of strawberries, the day before, egg on toast, and the day before that, I think that I had a bowl of cornflakes......
Doesn't seem to be doing me any harm..........
Can't really face a meal.........

Nausea, still there on and off, no pattern to it, just happens, in fact, I am closer to being sick now, than I was when I was having chemo...complete madness!!

Tinnitus
Still there, no change.

Hip joints still hurt.

Still have the infection in my radiotherapy burns that have not healed yet...I am taking the medication, and it isn't causing me any grief really.......

Getting tired easily and quickly, yep....still there.

Despite the above, I am feeling good, and I am not worried about my health at all in any way!

I have an appointment on Friday for the brain scan, as I said, I am not concerned about that at all........

I have an appointment on 1st September to see the Oncologist again.

Back to work 5th September.

I am looking forward to going back to work, but I am not looking forward to the commute there and back...I am out of the house for 11 hours each day in total.
Not at all inspiring!
Bloody M6!
(Before you ask....yes, I have tried other routes, just as bad).

So.....onward and upward, and get on with my life!
Will keep posting as and when I have something to say.

Tuesday 9th August

Stories, as requested and promised!
Well, Scotland is quite away from here, so we decided to travel up nice and slowly, stopping at all the services on the way. (I still need to use the facilities on a very regular basis). Too much information, I know!

Anyway, Roxanne and her best friend and Maid of Honour, Sapphire were travelling from Leicester, (which is in the East Midlands). Derek and I were travelling from Wolverhampton, (which is in the West Midlands). We are going to Scotland as mentioned, which is North).
M6 Motorway, most direct, straight through to Carlisle, connects to Leicester via M69, and Wolverhampton via A449.....sorted!

OK.
We arranged to meet up at one of the service stations. The agreement was that, as I was leaving first, so that I could have a nice little pootle up there, I would select the service station, ring Roxanne when we were there to let her know which one it was.
I decided to stop at Stafford Services.
I phoned Roxanne, and she told me that they would be there in about 20 minutes.
35 minutes later, I called her again.
I asked where she was. Roxanne gave me the name of a service station that they had just passed. ( I had never heard of it), so I asked which junction she had just passed. I heard a little voice in the background, Sapphire was driving....she shouted, not sure, they are not easy to see on the A1 motorway!

So.................both on separate Motorways.... I would have still been there waiting!!!!!! Communication clearly failed us, because there wasn't any!!!!

Derek!
Well, he was not very well, his foot had swollen like a balloon, looks like gout to me, but Derek said that it isn't.................
Anyway, when we got to the Hotel in Scotland, (Roxanne and Sapphire turned up about 30 minutes after us), Derek remained in the Hotel room with his foot up......I was having a problem trying to see to his needs and ensuring that Roxanne and the wedding plans were all sorted, so, poor old Derek had to fend for himself....apart from sleeping, he stayed there in the room until we travelled to the venue for the Ceremony at 2.00pm. He stayed for the whole ceremony, had a chat with my brother Philip and sister in law Dawn, then he went and sat in the car until 5.30, which was after we had finished and cleared up!

This isn't actually Derek's foot, but this is what it looks like!

Roxanne and Tom drove to Glasgow airport, where they stayed in a hotel over night, and then flew to Sweden the following morning for their Honeymoon.

Stockholm.