25th November

Yay!
The week end is here! Tra La!
Completely knackered.

I did have a good laugh though, a friend of mine 'popped' in to see me at work....
Hi Frahana!

Had a real giggle.....can't tell you what about....I can't remember, some thing really silly, but it did give me real a lift!

It isn't for teenagers only, we more.......erm...... mature girls need it too!

Well, got to honest, I have had a bit of a week .............
I have had pain...this in turn, really p*sses me off, which makes me short tempered
and on and on it goes, you know what I mean.

I like to keep as happy as possible, all smiley and jokey, this isn't just now, I have always been like that......................
But this week, almost every piece of verbal communication has been some one moaning about some thing, and me trying to put all the 'wrongs' right.............

I have been longing for a smile, a positive jolly word....but moan, groan, gloom, doom..............they have 'sucked' all my positivity like little 'blood suckers' all week!

Sooooooooooo glad that the week end is here!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never mind, next week is another week, and everyone will be happy and actually speak to say something good............................like:-
Good Morning,
Nice Day for November
I 've just come to let you know that I am fine
How are you?

And not
This is broken
Why is my lunch late
My taxi hasn't come
My electric bill is too high
My meds haven't come,
I don't like my chair
The washing machine is broken
I need a new key

!!!!!!!  Blur di blur di blur  !!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhh, that's better.

I had better stop moaning now in case I turn into an 'energy vampire' too!

I think that I need this book! 

Any one fancy getting it for me??????

Lol! 

24th November

Some really weird stuff going on today!!!!!!
Really hard to describe...............sort of being disconnected from my body.....yeah, I know, I know......sounds nuts!

My body has been going about it's business, and I felt like I was just following it around................ watching it, listening to it.......sort of keeping it company! Lol!

I had better stop talking about it before some one knocks on the door to 'commit' me!

Keith, my son, is going to spend Christmas with us this year, so I am really looking forward to that.
I have book the week before Christmas....w/c 19th Dec....yay!!!!!!!!!

Well, not a lot else to say.............
So I will chat again soon.

22nd November

Urrrrggggghhhhhh!
What a day!

I have been really tired, irritable and generally 'bllllaaaaaah!!!!
My hip and lower back were really playing up today, along with other bits and pieces, and I thought that my head was going to explode!

I felt that rough, Ifinished work on time.........I was actually clock watching!
That is so unlike me!
Got home, changed into my jimjams, and crashed on the couch!
And, yes, little Dougal all curled up snuggly wuggly with me.

Now......some one peel me a grape and fan me!!!!!!

21st November

Had a great time at the German Market.
It is huge!!!!
The food was great and smelled fab....a bit expensive though.
All the other stuff was fairly priced though.

The train fare was cheap too! £13.00 (and some pence) for 3 returns!
Booked on line. To park the car all day at the station was only £2.50! What more could you ask.

Dougal is doing OK. He still wears the bucket thing on his head when I am at work, but I take it off when I get home, and just keep my eye on him. I put it back on when I go to bed.

This isn't Dougal...but you get the idea.................

Well, nothing else to report as yet.
Hip and back still ache like mad, but it is all manageable.
I was in bed at 7.00pm after coming back from the German Market, I was 'hanging'!

18th November

Well....the scan.
I had my two litres of 'stuff'.
I had to have the 'dye' injection. I makes the back of your throat feel very hot, and you can feel it going through your body....if fact, it makes you feel like you are actually weeing! (Course, your not).

Just need to wait now....ho hum......been there before.

Little Dougal.......he was feeling sorry for himself yesterday...poor little sweetie!
A bit better today.
When I am with him, I take his head trumpet thing off, and make sure that he doesn't lick and bite his bits, well, the ones he has left anyway! Lol!

Roxanne will be here on Saturday, we will take a trip into town, and on Sunday we will be off to the German market in Birmingham.

I had a good day at work today.......can't tell you why, not because it is a secret or anything...I just don't know what was different today, but I felt good,  and really enjoyed it!

17th November

Today, I have to have my MRI scan.
This will be for my:-
Thorax
Abdomen
Pelvis.

As I explained in an earlier post, I will have to drink about 2 litres of what I think is barium meal in an hour. I may have to be connected to a drip that will pass a 'dye' around my body, and then have the scan.
It is very unlikely that I will get the results before 8th December. This will add to the previous results.....you may recall, thy were......................

Definitely have a secondary cancer to the bone in the base of the back to the left of the sternum.
Certainly have enlarged lymph nodes which is an indication of having cancer in those. This may be an infection, but highly unlikely.
Life expectancy  about 18months, but because this is a rare cancer, it is difficult to say with any real accuracy.
This MRI will confirm if the enlarged lymph nodes are cancer or an infection, and will see if there are any other areas of concern.

All will be revealed on 8th December.

Keith has phoned a few times and looking to see when he has time off, and he will be down to see me.

In the mean time, Roxanne, my daughter, is coming to see me this week end.
We will take a train to Birmingham and go the German Market. Mum is coming, and I am meeting my friend Sandra there too. (Shall take the wheel chair, just in case, mum may need it, and sadly, so may I). AND.....we can put all the shopping on it! hehehehehe!

The date for the murder mystery week looks like 28th January in Stratford -Upon-Avon.  Me, Mum, Roxanne and her best friend Saffire, (lovely girl), will be going on that.
The spa week end is yet  be confirmed. I need to find out how much massage I can have. (It is thought that the massage may spread the cancer).
But I say.....If I am terminal, it can't kill me, can it?

Anyway, I have decided that I 

WILL NOT DIE!

I have even booked my self on a training course. This is 1 week long, and I will be staying in Wales in January. 

Not cheap either.

SO THERE!!

Dougal, (my little dog), is having his own hospital appointment today!
He is having his teeth cleaned and....................

'Off with his Balls!'

And I don't think that he will find them again in that lot!

Poor little boy! Although, the condemned pooch was given the last meal of especially cooked liver with gravy and a couple of doggie chocs.

Ooooooops!

Sorry...........

I thought that this said Dog Liver!

I must get some new glasses!

12th November

Hi all,
Just thought that I would share how I am feeling.............
Haven't done that for a while, and I know that some of you may want to know how the secondary cancers can effect you.
So here goes...............

Left over from the chemo and radiotherapy:-

• Tinnitus....getting slowly worse.
• Neuropathy in my feet............................remains the same
• Skin around the vagina........still sensitive and tights and non cotton underwear are uncomfortable. (In fact any underwear can be uncomfortable depending on how long I have to wear it).
• Lethargy and tiredness.

Bone metastases.

• Continuous dull ache in the left lower back....this is moving over to the right.
• Ache to the left upper leg.
• Unable to walk far or stand for long periods  of time without pain.
• More lethargy and tiredness.

Other stuff with no officially confirmed reason.

(Unofficially, may be lymph node metastases).

You may recall that I was told that there is a huge chance that I have cancer in my lymph nodes due to the confirmed swelling. I need another scan to officially confirm,

Any way, other stuff.......

• Feelings of nausea.
• Even more feelings of lethargy and tiredness.
• Very occasional short moments of discomfort. ( Left upper abdomen, left lower abdomen, left upper back just by scapula, (shoulder blade).

Brian lump.

• Headaches.
• Possibly fuzzy coloured stuff to the peripheries of my vision.

Scan on 17th, and Onc app. 8th December.

(The 18months that they suggested I had left will have dwindled to 16 months by the time I get these appointments sorted! lol!)

I am avoiding taking pain killers unless it is absolutely necessary, I don't want to be come immune to them before I really need them. I imagine as time goes on, the pain will get worse and worse....I want to be sure that the pain killers work!

Anyway, that is the physical, how do I feel emotionally?????????

To be honest, other than being tired....I feel OK.

Looking forward to my week ends away, spending 'prime time' with family and friends.....yes, I feel fine really.

11th November

First of all, as it is remembrance day, I would like to take time to remember all the brave men and women who have given their lives, parts of their bodies and some times their minds for us.

I had a great day with my daughter yesterday.
We went for lunch at the Wing Wah,  and then 'surfed the net' for murder mystery weekends and spa breaks.

Well, I have a few bits and pieces to share with you today..................
I will use the 'Mary Gober' method again.

(No Troy, it isn't a new fangled form of birth control!)

The good news.......................

My scan appointment has come through!
Yay!
Thursday 17th November 11.40. I have to be there 1 hour before the appointment because I have to drink loads of stuff, and may need to have a drip put in place for some dye.
I will ring the Oncologist's secretary on Monday with the appointment, and hopefully, I will get the results on the following Thursday.

OK, the bad news........
Today I have felt like I have been buried under hundreds of bags of live ferrets!
Fighting for breathing time, being nipped, bitten and scratched all day.
I have had to take work home with me today, because I am so far behind!

More good news............................................
There has been an elephant in the room for a couple of months, and I have been treating it as a round-a-bout.....well, now it is gone! Phew!
I will have pretty much 'caught up' with my work for Monday morning, so the pressure should be off!

All in all...........it has been a

Yay!

Day.

9th November

Nothing to say regarding Big 'C'.........................still annoyed!
Going to avoid the subject.

Roxanne is coming for the day tomorrow..I had booked the day for a hospital appointment....

BUT THAT WAS POSTPONED!

No, no, I am not going there.....forget it!

We will spend time together, planning our lovely pamper week ends and murder mystery week end............
Of course, I can't make any plans before 24th November, just in case I am called for the MRI!
No.....mustn't go there, don't think about it.....................

I need to book some holiday so that I can spend some time with Philip and Dawn.
I want to spend time with Keith.........
But of course, I can't do that until my appointment has come through.................

Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh! 

STOP!

Don't keep mentioning it!

OK, talk about something that this 'cock-up' doesn't effect!

Errrrm..............well,      Ermmmmmmm,

Hmmmph.

That says it all, it affects everything.
So, will see you tomorrow!

8th November

Well, I did take advice and phoned the MRI Dept.........
And this is how it went! .......................................................

MRI Dept,
"We don't have any notification that an MRI is required. Perhaps you could phone the Oncologist's secretary to send the requst."
Me,
"Ok, thank you I shall".

Oncologist's secretary,
" Are you able to hold whilst I try to contact the MRI dept?"
Me,
"Yes, of course, thank you".

At this point, we were cut off. I phoned back.

Oncologist's secretary,
"I am so sorry, I cut you of by accident, but I have managed to get in touch with them.  They said that you will be having your scan some time between now and 24th November, but no later than that."

Well, that whole exercise was as useful as a chocolate tea pot and an ashtray on a motorbike!

7th November.....

What a bag of bollocks!

Some one has made a boo boo!

If you remember, I did say that I was to expect a phone call to arrange the full body MRI scan, which would be discussed today, and I was to go for an appointment to discuss it on Thursday.

I do know that when I went to get the appointment for Thursday, it was marked as urgent, and another person was to have their appointment moved to get me in as urgent.

Well, I had no call on Thursday or Friday, no call on Saturday.

As I went to the appointment on my own, I thought, maybe I miss understood, so I phoned the hospital today.

WELL...............................................

I was right, I should have had a call, the appointment was made for Thursday whilst I was there, so I know that I wasn't mistaken about that either.

I had no call, no appointment for an MRI scan was made, so no pictures for the Doctors to look at and discuss today, no point in going for my appointment on Thursday!

Ooooops!

Ooooops? F*c*ing Oooooops?!

Well, just starting to think that I was going to have a bit of control over all of this, you know, get a bit of a grip on it.....and ooooops?!

They have me by the short and bloody curlies, (or would have if I had any left!)

I am livid.....Spitting nails....angry...............

In fact,

I am bloody SAVAGE!!!!!!!

Anyway, Now, the plan is that I wait for a letter that should arrive within the next day or two, phone the hospital when it arrives, the will make another appointment to see the Doctor to discuss further

What a bloody f*c*ing 'Cock - Up'! 

6th November

Went to do the 'big shop' yesterday...loaded it all into the car, then unloaded it all into the kitchen, then packed it all away.....Ooooooo, the excitement!
(Yeah, right!)

Another blogger,
caroleandcancer.blogspot.com
phoned me yesterday, we had a lovely chat, and it is great speaking with someone who really knows how you feel, and is feeling and experiencing very similar things.
Although our cancers are different, (hers is quite rare too), we have been travelling the same road and about the same time frame too, it's uncanny............
Thanks Carole, I really did enjoy our chat!

I had those awful stomach cramps again yesterday, I have been taking the meds, but it didn't help! Bummer!
I suppose I should expect it really, knowing that doesn't help much either.
The good news is, they aren't getting worse, just more frequent!

My hip pain is creeping across my lower back towards the other hip......
At least I will be limping on both legs now and not 'weebling' along the road! Lol!

Tinnitus is getting worse, but the neuropathy remains the same.

The thing that I forgot to mention on Thursday's blog...the results, is that the coloured edges to my vision are probably related to the lump on the brain, but they are not certain.
As I said it doesn't hurt I just see the world from Andy Worhole's perspective for a few moments! Lol!
(Slight exaggeration there, but I am permitting myself to use the 'poet's license on this occasion).

5th November

Well,
I was so tired when I came from work on Friday, (yesterday), I was in bed for 20.00hrs.....slept like a brick!
Of course the down side is that I am up at silly o'clock again this morning!
I will have to force myself to stay up longer tonight.

The calmness that I experienced on the day I had my results abandoned me yesterday.
I was pissy, irritable, angry and ready to thump some one on the nose!

I feel OK this morning.
Just as well, I have loads to do!

Derek surprised me last night, he had dinner all ready when I got home, and it wasn't a 'fry up'!
We had liver and onions, mashed potatoes and runner beans, (I hate runner beans), but that is all that we had in, so it is off to do my 'big shop' today.
Boring!!!!!!!!!!!
He did some cleaning too!
Yay!!!!!!

I think that I am going to do some of the things that I have been promising my self since the 80's.................................

A spa week end and a murder mystery week end will be the first of them!

Need more coffee now, so I will see you again tomorrow probably.
Have a great week end!

4th November

As you know, I received my results yesterday.......(all in yesterday's blog).
And you know that I had to take Mum for tests, and didn't want her to come and hear my results, as her worrying was having a negative effect on her health.........

Well....................................

I went for my results on my own yesterday morning.
When I came home, Mum said,
'I know why you didn't want to take me, now you tell me the results and tell me the truth!'

So......I told her.  She was upset.
Anyway after that, I took Mum to the clinic to have her bloods done, then I took her to the hospital to have her chest Xray.

So there was no need to panic about how I was going to fit it all in!

It is all sorted!

I was really tired and drained last night, so I went to bed early, and I slept so well!

I am up now....(clearly, or I wouldn't be writing this), at 05.15.
Only half an hour earlier than usual.

Coffee, shower and off to work, I have quite a lot to catch up on still.

Life goes on!

No need to really take stock until I have further results next Thursday, after all, I may NOT have cancer in my lymph nodes!

Oh, and just for info, for those who may not know........
Lymph nodes are small roundish organs that are found all over the body.....
stomach, gut armpit and loads of other places.
They are part of the lymphatic system connected to the immune system.
they trap foreign bodies, a bit like a filter.

3rd November - The results!

OK...
Where do I begin.
Let's try the 'Mary Gober' Method.  (When delivering bad news, surround it by good news....eg....good news, bad news, good news)>

Good News:-
I may not have cancer in my lymph nodes and other parts of my body.

Bad news:-
The cancer has returned and it is to the left of my sacrum and in the bone nearby.
This is why I have been experiencing pain in and around the area.
This is also why I have been experience weak bladder and bladder pain, and also why I am experiencing nausea, stomach cramps and erratic bowl movements.
They are almost certain that the cancer is also in my lymph node which was shown to be enlarged on the scan.
If it is in my lymph node, there is little that can be done and I will start on palliative chemo and radio therapy.
The radiotherapy cannot be in the same area as previously, so it will be as close as possible.
It is also suspected that the cancer is in other lymph nodes.
If I have cancer in my lymph node, my life expectancy is 18months.

Good News:-
I will have a full body MRI Scan which show any other areas and show for certain if I have cancer in the lymph node(s), or if I don't.
These results will be looked at on Monday, and I have to return to see the Oncologist on Thursday for the full results.
I know now what the symptoms that I have been experiencing are.
If the cancer is only in the lower back area, I could well live longer than 18months, but as the cancer is so rare, they cannot be sure.

I feel amazingly calm.

2nd November after work!

Tomorrow:-

 I WILL get the all clear!

I have decided!

I have spoken!

So There!

2nd November

I had top take Mum to the Doctors again yesterday, after work, and he is sending her for a chest Xray, and more blood tests.

I have a calendar full of appointments and meetings that can't be cancelled. I have to look at the calendar at work and juggle, and organise time off to do it all, it has all got to be done this week! Aaaaaaaaah!

Tomorrow is a no no, because I have my own appointment, this morning is a no no because I have to go work and do the 'juggling!

Panic!!!!!!!

Ann, if you are reading this, I have lost all of my phone numbers on my mobile, and the emails that I sent you are still in the 'out box' the wont send! Can you text you mob no. to me please. I have the same number, just a new phone. I saved all the numbers to phone like a nit wit, and I can't turn the old one on.!

1st November

Aaaaaaargh!!!!!!

3 bloody hours to get to work this morning!!!!!
There was an accident on the M6 between junction 7 and 6 going North!
Well, sod's law...that's the way I had to go.

Over the past 4 days, there has only been 1 day when there hasn't been an accident!!!!

My bladder, as you know, needs to empty when it needs to empty.
I know that I can manage 2 hours...(and that is making sure that I know that there are services on route!)

Well, 3 hours was just too much, I was in tears for the last half an hour....no where to stop....I was in agony!

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Ah! I feel so much better now that I have got that off my chest!

Only another 2 days to go before I get my results.
I am feeling so positive about them, that it is scary!

Lets hope that positive attitudes work!

30th October

Well, silly o'clock on Sunday morning!
My hip was quite painful during the night, and each time I moved, it woke me up, so here I am.
Can't complain, I have had my needed 8 hours!

Mum was quite a bit better yesterday, not 100%, but a lot better.

Today, I will be making my 'Jack-o-lantern' and my pumpkin bread, and mulled cider. I am looking forward to it.

Not long now until I get to see the Oncologist. I am working on the preface that no news is good news.
So.....3rd November.....................

Bring it on!

Have a Blessed Samhain 

and a

Happy Halloween!