22nd April

Well, as I said yesterday, I don't think that there will be anything to report cancer wise until 10th April, so I am going to talk about my garden, family and friends.

As you know, on 5th, 6th and 7th, Roxanne, my daughter came. We did some gardening. I use the term 'we' loosely, as I was not really well enough to 'do'...so I just gave directions!
Oh, what pleasure I got from that...lol!

On 15th, my friend Jackie came, and we went out to the Wing Wah for lunch, and then came back and just sat chatting in the garden. That was very 'civilised! lol!

On 18th, my niece and nephew came for a few hours, and we made Easter baskets.

For the basket, we used:-
Card and  raffia.
 I drew a pattern and the children cut it out.
Then, we used the raffia to weave the basket.
We filled the basket with shredded green tissue paper.
For the Easter chick we used:-
Yellow furry fabric.
Orange felt.
I drew a pattern on the fabric, and the children cut out.
(Two circles, one smaller than the other.)
The edges of each circle were 'tacked' using needle and cotton, so that it could be pulled to close the circle.
The circles were stuffed with 'soft toy stuffing', and then sewn closed.
The circles were then attached to each other using stitches.
The large circle became the chicks body, and the small circle became the head.
A diamond shape was cut from the orange felt. This was folded in half, stitched along the edge to keep an 'open beak' shape.
Then it was sewn to the head of the chick in the appropriate position.
A heart shape was also cut from the felt. This was sewn to the under side of the body to make the feet of the chick.
One large black dot was drawn on  the chicks head, each side of, and just above the beak, to make the eyes.
The basket was then filled with small chocolate eggs and 'jelly bunnies'. The chick was placed on top.
The children did this themselves with a little help and total supervision.
Afterwards, I face painted the children.
A butterfly for Sophie, (aged 6 years), and an Alien for Reece, (aged 8 years).

19th
I met my friend Sandra in town.
We had lunch, and then did a little shopping. We visited 4 shops, and then we came home for coffee.
Sandra isn't too well, and I need to rest a great deal, so 4 shops is all that we could manage...lol!
Isn't that tragic?....So sad.......all that shopping opportunity gone to waste! lol!

This isn't actually a picture of us...but you get the idea! lol!

I wont post again until 24th!
Have a wonderful Easter break!

Thursday 21st April

Well, I had my appointment with the oncologist today.
I still have a couple of radiation burns, and a lot of scarring from the burns that have now healed.
I have lost weight...Yay!!!!!!!!
Mustn't get too excited, because, as soon as I start chemo again, it will all come back...Oh joy! Oh rapture!

After asking some questions, i.e.
Do I still have cancer etc..........
The response is as follows:-

Well....................................
For the next 5 years it will be considered that I still have cancer. It is hoped that after the chemo is complete, the cancer will be in remission.
The cancer may rear it's ugly head again.
I will need to go for regular check ups for the next 5 years.
I have an exemption certificate for 5 years, (until 2016), for free medication.

Apparently, with any cancer, it is uncertain as to if it is gone, or in remission following the treatment.

My next chemo session is on May10th. Each session at the hospital will last for 7-8 hours each.
It will be as it was last time.

I am feeling really well, although I still tire easily. This, according to the Doctor is to be expected for many months, if not longer, following chemo and radiotherapy.

Continence issues are still a bit problematic, but improving daily.
Getting off to sleep is a nuisance...but then again....so is getting up in the morning! Lol!
I am still squeezing as much socialising and gardening in as I can between now and 10th May, (I do rest as I need to).

I know that for 5-10 days after each session, I will be feeling anything but social!

O.K.....I am of to make hay whilst the sun shines............................

I will 'post'. tomorrow, but it will be more about my social activities and the garden than my little friend.....Cancer!

Back to 'business' on 10th May.

Happy Easter to you all!!

(I did my private celebrations on 20th March for Oestara - sometimes spelt Ostara).

But, I am still celebrating with my family!

18th April

Lol!
I am worn out.........
Lol!


I don't honestly think that I am going to have anything worthwhile to say until Thursday................So........
other than saying that I feel a lot better, and that I am enjoying seeing friends and family, nothing to say....

Oh yes, there is......
I have noticed that friends and family are interacting with me in a different way........
Now that I am feeling so much better, they are smiling more, staying longer, and talking about loads of different things........

Roll on end of ALL treatments!

Well, that's it until Thursday when I hope to have something more interesting to say!

Break Time!

Until Thursday then?!..................................

17th April

Went to sleep almost straight away last night! Yay!
Then the neighbours had a party and woke me at 12.00 midnight! lol!

I am not upset though, because they have never disturbed me before, so it isn't a regular occurance.
Been busy in the garden today, loved it!
I went out to lunch yesterday with a friend...that was great too!

Tomorrow, I am spending about 4 hours with my niece and nephew, then taking Mum to her 'blood clinic'.
Tuesday, all day with Roxanne, my daughter, Wednesday, I will spending the day with another friend, Sandra, in town. Thursday, I have to see the Oncologist....Friday, Saturday and Sunday, my some Keith is coming.

I am being the proverbial 'social butterfly'................How fab is that!!!!!

I am certainly going to make the most of this before I start to feel rough again when the chemo starts.

16th April

Still taking ages to fall asleep at night, I resisted the temptation to get up last night, but I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours!

I did go out to try to tire myself out yesterday...and I succeeded!
I can back feeling exhausted!
Did it help me sleep?  Don't think so.

It does appear to be helping my back ache though, so of on another jaunt today.

In fact, my social calendar is bursting with activity over this week end and all of next week.......
Oh, I am a popular bunny at the moment!
All of my friends and family work, so they are all wanting to come and see Me..............!

I do feel so important and so loved!!!!!!!!

15th April

Yesterday, I forgot to mention.......

Tinnitus
Still there, but only really noticeable in complete silence.......like bed time!

Sinusitis
Comes and goes, a couple of paracetamol sort it if required.

Well, as I mentioned before, I have been having some restless nights.....................

I decided to go on a jaunt to town, and walked and sat, walked and sat for a number of hours....this was in the hope of making myself very tired so that I would have a good night's sleep................
Well, it didn't work!
It just made me very tired, but still unable to sleep! lol!

On the 'up' side....(I insist on finding an up side or I would go bonkers!)......anyway.................
On the up side.........my back ache is a lot better, still there, but muted!!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!

I really am starting to feel so much better now, in fact, it is making me think that I really, really don't want to start feeling ill again when I have the chemo,
so....the conclusion is, try not to have long enough to really remember what it is like to feel well in between treatments!

I am going to continue with the treatment, because I am a third of the way through the lot now, and I think, believe and hope that I am already over the worst!

14th April

I stopped taking all of my pain killers and sleeping medication, and I also stopped taking the anaesthetic gel and anti-biotic gel.................

My pain has reduced greatly, so, I don't feel the need to take the pain killers (Morphine/Tramadol).
I will take the occasional paracetamol if I feel that I need to. (Usually for my back at the moment).
 So far, so good with that.

Sleeping tablets...well, I am having difficulty sleeping without them, but I am a little concerned that I will become dependant on them, so I am happy to put up with a few restless nights. (After all, it isn't as if I have to get up for work, so I can still nap in the day if I need to).

Now, the anaesthetic gel and anti-bacterial gel is another story all together!
I still NEED it!
Without it, the pain and discomfort of the last few external burns is very noticeable!
On the 'up side', instead of applying each time I use the loo, I am only using it twice daily....each morning and each night.

It has been 2 weeks since my last radio therapy session, so what effects remain from this?
Well, some effects may still be from the chemo....not sure.

I will list the effects that are still with me.

Eye sight.
Still not good, doesn't seem to be getting any worse though.
It may do during/after the next lot of chemo. I will see the optician when it is all over.

Back Ache
A real pain.
To be honest, it doesn't seem to be getting any better at all. As I said, I am exercising, walking and moving about...but no change there.

Vaginal pain and discomfort
Greatly improved, and getting better by the minute!

Bladder control.
I can go longer with out using the loo, but, as before, if I need to go, I need to go NOW!!!!

Bowel control
Not needing to go as often, but very, very little warning.

Teeth
They are still getting loose, gums receding, good news..........no pain.

Taste and smell
Everything tastes of and smells like metal.

Concentration
I can concentrate for longer periods now, but I do find that I get very frustrated and even angry if I make a silly mistake due to my eye sight, or lack of concentration, particularly if it means that I have to do the same task again!
I could 'spit nails!'

Emotionally
Up and down, I am pleased to say, mainly up, although there have been some very dark moments........

Driving
I thought that I should mention this, because you may be wanting to know if it is possible etc.....

Well, apart from the days that I actually have chemo at the hospital, and often, the 2 days afterwards, I have been able to drive.
Sitting in the driving seat was no more painful than sitting anywhere else during radiotherapy, I drove myself there and back everyday.
Taxi would have been too expensive, and ambulance service would have been impractical, because, there would have been many pick-ups/drop offs, this would have caused a continence issue. Using the ambulance service would have taken 1-2 hours each way.
I wouldn't have been able to sit in the same position for so long, due to the pain, and I would have pee'd myself at least twice each journey. (And maybe even worse!)
Driving took 10-15 minutes.

I am unable to drive for any length of time, as I proved to myself on Monday, I can't go any longer that 1 hour without the toilet...max!
The same applies to walking now....I have to plot routes that are either very short, or I know that there is a toilet close by.
Got that pretty well sorted as far as a little jaunt to town goes. I think that I am aware of every 'pit stop' in Wolverhampton! lol!

Hopefully, the issues with continence will be temporary!

No reason for this picture at all...I just think that it is cute!

13th April

Last night and the night before, I had a bit of difficulty sleeping, I think that it is my back ache, not sure what is causing it.
I have started to do stretching exercises, which haven't helped, (yet anyway), I keep taking myself for regular but short walks.

Everything smells like some sort of metal or iron.........everything tastes like I am sucking on a crow bar, (an iron bar for those that don't know what it is). yucky, yucky, yucky!!!!!!

The next pic is a crow bar....

I think that my whole body is showing signs of radio activity...lol!

I am sure that my wee is flouresceing too............doesn't matter what, or how much I drink....my wee is 'dayglo yellow!'

Pooh...this varies from khaki to citrus lemony-greeny and mustard..........bit of a 'pooh-bow', (as opposed to rainbow).
Apart from the back ache, the other stuff is more of an annoyance or entertainment...no real major concerns.

Observing the silliest things because I am going 'stir crazy'....insanity is creeping in slowly.

So, all in all I am a positive little bunny!!

12th April

Further information as promised.
I will try to keep this simple and honest, taking some relevant information from other sources.


The first 2 pictures, I have chosen to try to indicate how the large 'canopy type' part of the machine can move from the position directly above you whilst you are on the bed. It can move in a circle/large arc around you body.
This ensures that the radiation is aimed accurately.

This third picture just looked a little gentler.....kinder somehow! 

Radiotherapy – (Also known as radiation therapy)

Radiation therapy uses a special kind of high-energy beam to damage cancer cells. (Other types of energy beams include light and x-rays.) These high-energy beams, which are invisible to the human eye, damage a cell’s DNA, the material that cells use to divide.

Over time, the radiation damages cells that are in the path of its beam — normal cells as well as cancer cells. But radiation affects cancer cells more than normal cells. Cancer cells are very busy growing and multiplying — 2 activities that can be slowed or stopped by radiation damage. And because cancer cells are less organized than healthy cells, it's harder for them to repair the damage done by radiation. So cancer cells are more easily destroyed by radiation, while healthy, normal cells are better able to repair themselves and survive the treatment.

There are two different ways to deliver radiation to the tissues to be treated:

·         a machine called a linear accelerator that delivers radiation from outside the body

·         pellets, or seeds, of material that give off radiation beams from inside the body.

The above is from the blog, ‘Both the food and the gardening are keeping me both happy and healthy’.

Below, Wikipedia states……………………………………………………………………………………

Radiation therapy is commonly applied to the cancerous tumour. The radiation fields may also include the draining lymph nodes if they are clinically or radio-logically involved with tumour, or if there is thought to be a risk of subclinical malignant spread. It is necessary to include a margin of normal tissue around the tumour to allow for uncertainties in daily set-up and internal tumour motion. These uncertainties can be caused by internal movement (for example, respiration and bladder filling) and movement of external skin marks relative to the tumour position.

To spare normal tissues (such as skin or organs which radiation must pass through in order to treat the tumour), shaped radiation beams are aimed from several angles of exposure to intersect at the tumour, providing a much larger absorbed dose there than in the surrounding, healthy tissue.

Me talking now...lol!

Clearly, the radiation is going to 'zap' healthy, normal cells that get in the way of the beam....the way I see it is...

Imagine a daisy.......the yellow bit in the middle is the cancer, the intention is to 'zap' the cancer.

The radiation rays are crossing over at that point. During the process, all of the white petals, (good healthy cells), are also getting zapped.  The yellow bit, (the cancer),  hopefully, should not repair itself or re-grow, however, the petals, (the good cells), will get zapped, and bloody sore, but will repair.

Still me talking...........

It is clear that internally, a lot of good healthy stuff is being zapped, causing damage.

This is showing it's self by causing an over active bladder, unpredictable bowel, aches and pains, tiredness and lethargy. 

During the treatment...(which actually burns, like a fire maybe, or scolding water), I had difficulty walking, laying, sitting, generally moving, due to the area that was being treated....the vagina.

My lower back very painful ........is it kidneys? Is it back ache? What is it? 

Well, I don't know.

What I do know, is that I didn't have it before radiation, and I have it now, so therefore, it is an effect!

Anyway, the internal stuff, I can't describe as I can the external and very obvious.

That is where I am going now.......this is going to be be honest and graphic, so if you are 'delicate', I wouldn't read on.

OK....Here goes..............

The following are some pictures that I have on the internet of radiation/radiotherapy burns, they are not pretty!

Now, imagine these burns internally....and on the vagina and the crease on both sides between the torso and thighs!

The whole of my vagina was effected, internally, the vulva, lips and the outer edges to and including the crease as described above.

Just another reminder, this is my experience, and I am unable to talk for cancers in other areas, although, someone that I am aware of, had similar experiences when she had treatment for bowel cancer, and now has a stoma. I can only imagine her pain!

On a bright note, my burns are very nearly healed now, and I am able to walk with minimal pain and discomfort.

I would also like to say that the lady I spoke of with bowel cancer, to herself on a holiday abroad recently, and is also recovering from the burns!

11th April

Trotted of the the Hospital for 11.30...got there, and there seems to be a mix up...not sure what's going on, but it appears that I have no appointment to today at 11.30....Thursday 21st now....Hummmmph!

Anyway.......at a loose end, I thought that I would go on a jaunt.......just a bit of a trial, to see how I would fare if I was to be ready to return to work.....I know, I know, I am not ready, before I get written flops to the back of the head from you all.........just thought I would give it a go...that's all!!!!

Anyway....my bladder can't make the journey without considerable discomfort! (My bowels only lasted 5-10 minutes longer!) Kept everything under control though.

Today was also the first day that I have been able to wear me drawers without pain and discomfort, although, it felt great to take 'em off when I got back home!

Anyway...whilst I was there, I met with Mike,(my leader0, for coffee.
He stated that he had been reading this blog regularly, but there were a couple of things that were not as clear as I had intended....it is for this reason, I am going to be clearer about some issueS, this, I will post tomorrow.

(I don't want you to get bored reading this, particularly as all I really have to say is that I am feeling so much better! lol!)

Tomorrow I will discuss ion detail the effects of the radiotherapy, and the actual session...

Please be aware that these experience will be mine, and based on the vagina..I cannot comment on any other part of the body, or speak for anyone else who has undergone the same procedures

10th April

I had a great day at the RSPCA Charity thingy.
Met loads of lovely people, sat chatting....had a reflexology session....chatted some more, and won most of the various raffle prizes!

Not sure how much money was made, but as a quick guess, I think that it was over £400.00....but don't take that as gospel please.

Still feeling very positive, feeling pretty well................
Seeing the Oncologist tomorrow, should find some more stuff out.

Right now, I am waiting for my 'Lemon Grass Chicken Fried Rice!'

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.....yummy scrummy!

9th April

I feel so much better today!
It doesn't seem possible that I could feel so rotten only a couple of days ago and feel so good now!
Don't misunderstand me, I don't feel like I could go bungee jumping or parachuting yet, but I feel better.

(Just in time to see the Doctor and be told when I start chemo so that I can feel like sh*t again!)

Oooooops, now, now, no negativity please Carol!

Yep.....I feel brill!

I have been busying myself going hither and thither, doing this and that, moving far more freely and painlessly than I have done for yonkers!!!!!

Come on!...........Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!

8th April

Morning all!
Feeling a bit better today, so that is good.

I have suspected that there is blood in my urine for a couple of days, but wasn't sure.
I think that I may be right now, but I will mention it to the Doctor on Monday, it isn't causing any pain or distress, so it can wait.

Generally I feel well mentally and emotionally.
Soreness is subsiding, which is good, still very bloated and looking like a zeppelin...that, I hope will sort it's self out in time.

Bloody lower back pain is a 'pain' lol!

That is probably because my posture has been all over the place whilst I have been trying to sit, stand and walk in a way that was causing minimal pain to my nether regions, but I can do that stuff properly now, although still slowly.



Still a bit nauseous, but I haven't been sick, so that it good too!

I have recently found out, that when my Mum has been visiting the places that olders Mum's visit, she has been telling people that I am 59!

Ouch...that hurts, I mean really hurts! I am 56 in June.
I am going to bash her up when you lot aren't looking! lol!!!!!!

7th April

Well, Roxanne was great and did my bits and bobs for me! Thanks Darling!
Roxanne has gone back home today.
She has an interview for the job that she really wants on 19th April, so I am hoping to be well enough to take her.
It is for a Cemetery Worker for Leicester City Council, grave digging, cremating and looking after the land and gardens. Wish her luck!

Feeling a bit rough today...but I was told that things would get worse 1 week from the last radiotherapy session...here here we are, 1 week to the day!

Sore, tired nauseous and dizzy....so not too bad, could have been worse.

Derek's 3rd day at his new job as a laminator, and he seems to be enjoying it, so that is good.
This is work that he has done before.

.

The weather is great, and Mum seems to be doing well, so you wont hear any complaints from me.

6th April

I am getting so angry with myself, and so frustrated!!!!!!
I feel that I should now be able to do stuff..............cleaning, gardening, walking for a decent distance, normal stuff, you know.

I am so tired and lethargic all of the time, I tire so easily, and I feel like I need to sleep all of the time...that is something that I am resisting, because I am scared that I wont sleep at night if I sleep in the day.
Flippin' 'eck, I should be well enough now to carry with normal daily living, but I am not!!!!!!!

On a brighter note, Roxanne is still here, and I have organised some 'land management' tasks for her as this is what she is trained in.....i am going to lay on my chaise lounge in the living room, and direct her activities in the garden! lol!

(She doesn't know yet....bless! lol!)

5th April

Roxanne has come to stay for a few days which is great.
Roxanne and Mum needed to go to town. I felt well enough to take them and have a mooch.
Mistake!
I was barely able to walk to from the car to the shops!
I was knackered!!!!!
I was thinking that I would be able to return to work in a couple of weeks!
I don't think so!
In fact, I think that this trip may have put me back a couple of days!
Ho Hum....that'll teach you Carol!!!!!!

I clearly think that I am stronger than I really am.
I also need to learn to do as I am told.
(Well, maybe no need to go quite that far....why break a habit of a life time.....never has been one of my strengths!)

4th April

Happy Birthday Roxanne!

I had a surprise visit from Roxanne and Tom yesterday, which was fab.
Keith sent a card and phoned, another great event.
Philip my brother came to visit on Friday, that was great too.
Derek starts a job today, which is great, as he has been unemployed for over 2 years.

I thought that I was getting better, alas, I has a 'huge' accident today.............bowel related.......  2 hours to clean up!

Every time that I stand up, I have to make a mad dash!!!!!!!

I took it upon myself  to stop my morphine yesterday, and other pain killers......big mistake!
Although I am avoiding morphine, I have had to go back on tramadol. (I may have to eat my words and principles and go back on morphine, but I will go without for as long as I can).

I see the Doctor on Monday....should know when I re-start chemo then.

Catch you tomorrow!!!!!!

3rd April - Mother's Day

Morning all!
Well, still sore, but I am going to take Mum to by some Hydrangers, She wants to have them in pots either side of the front Door.

Bought 2 standard Fushias last year, but they have expired. Bummer!
Just up the road, and loads on seats to rest in as Mum mooches!!!!!

Saturday 2nd April

As you know, yesterday was April Fool's Day.

Those of you who read my blog yesterday...ALL THE WAY THROUGH, will know everything that I wrote was a whole load of old rubbish!

Those of you who didn't read it all the way through, NAUGHTY.....Gotcha!
To the naughty step...remember to stay there for 1 minute for each year of your age!!!!!!!! Lol!

Anyway...feeling a lot more comfortable now. The 'older' burns are on the mend, and the most recent ones are the ones that are still very sore and debilitating.

I have been told to brace myself for further developments of discomfort. I am hoping that I am able to miss that bit out! Lol!

OK, so all in all, I am feeling a lot better, but still a way to go.

On the mend...slowly!

Thanks to you all for supporting me through the very dark times.

1st April

Had a letter from NHS HQ this morning.
I was surprised, so I ripped it open in case it was info on my health.

It was full of jargon and gobble-di-gook, but I managed to work out that there is a new 'Suffers Award' of some sort.
Apparently, each NHS hospital gets to nominate people.

The idea is that they select the person/people who have suffered the most or endured the most over a period of time.

Well, I was really excited, never won anything in my life........
So I have set to and filled in all the questions.

There were questions about the service received, the Doctors, Specialist nurses and receptionists.
How I felt, what made things better, what didn't...........

As I said, I filled it all in and used my best handwriting..... excitement mounting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Anyway, I made a copy, and got Derek to post it for me.

I think that the Radiotherapy staff at New Cross Hospital have a bloody good chance of winning this prestigious award. 

They endured a great deal of suffering over the past few weeks dealing with me.