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Sunday, 9 October 2011

9th October

My mind is saying to me.............
Go for a run across the fields, have a go on the swings in the park, get your 'Belly Dancing tape out, or do some line dancing....these are all of the things that you used to do, and love to do!
Get your old records out, sing your heart out to all of your old 40's, 50's and 60's and dance some more. You haven't done it for know you want to!

Do it!

My body is saying.............

Off you go are on your own!

I always thought that death occurred on your last breath, well, I can assure you, that it doesn't.
It occurs when your body no longer wants to play, and your mind is eager and willing to do all this stuff!

I really do have to get a grip, take control of my life and have some Bloody fun.
Sod the pain, stuff the fatigue and screw the 'time restrictions' now that I am working!'
(Although, I did try this a little while ago, and ended up in tears, and unable to get back home with out assistance....from a complete stranger, because I was alone, going out walking, I mean).

Taking that into consideration, how can I proceed?
I have no idea!
I will think about this and then follow a plan, letting my family know what I am doing and where I am going!

I am getting really fed up and frustrated now with all the restrictions that I feel have been placed upon me!!!!!!!!


Carole said...

Hi Carol,

I can't even begin to tell you how that post rings true for me...

I also am so so sick of feeling restricted, feeling constant pain, lack of freedom, lack of fun...actually, lack of everything that was once good :(
B*$t*rd cancer!

Hope you get the scan results shortly and a plan put in place to help you work through this damn pain

Carol said...

Hi Carole,
Yes, sad isn't it, a real bummer! It is also surprising how many friends/family etc expect you to be back to as you were, just because the treatment is over...the whole bloody process is so draining, leaving you less than half the person that you were before, certainly with less that half of the energy, vim and vigour that we had before........

Angelinthemaking said...

I know this feeling too ;-( You know what though? You can imagine doing anything you like...and your body reacts in a similar way as if you really were. Obviously for healthy adolescent males this is a terrible nuisance but for sad semi invalids it's the next best thing to the real one ;-) ! Thinking of you...

Carol said...

Hi Angel,
Great to hear form you!
What a wonderful sense of humour, although these strapping, healthy adolescents with vivid imaginations are bringing al sorts of interesting images to my my mind! Lol!
I will certainly try visualising my preferred activities and see how fit I get!
Hugs and blessings,