30th October

Well, silly o'clock on Sunday morning!
My hip was quite painful during the night, and each time I moved, it woke me up, so here I am.
Can't complain, I have had my needed 8 hours!

Mum was quite a bit better yesterday, not 100%, but a lot better.

Today, I will be making my 'Jack-o-lantern' and my pumpkin bread, and mulled cider. I am looking forward to it.

Not long now until I get to see the Oncologist. I am working on the preface that no news is good news.
So.....3rd November.....................

Bring it on!

Have a Blessed Samhain 

and a

Happy Halloween!

28th October

I can't remember if I have mentioned in any previous blogs that my Mum lives with me.
About 2 years ago, Mum broke a vertebrae in her back. T7.
This broke when she bent down to pick something up. She was living in Bristol at the time.
Anyway, I got the call, and went straight to Bristol, and made the decision on the spot, that she was no longer able to live safely on her own, and brought her here to Wolverhampton to live with me and Derek. She was 81 at the time.
Prior to this, Mum had a heart operation, and had a stroke under anaesthetic. This was closely followed by heart failure and angina. Mum recovered very well, and regained her independence.
During this time, I was living just up the road.

Anyway, Mum lives with me now.
When I got home from work today, she looked terrible! She was complaining of chest pain!

I noticed that she was very warm, and clammy. I called the ambulance.
The paramedics came and did all their 'stuff'.
Fast pulse, high temp.............no evidence of any heart issues. After a general discussion and loads of questions, the conclusion was that Mum has a chest infection. The paramedics said that it would be better if we could get our own Doctor to see her, than to go to A & E, wait around for yonkers, and get the same advice.
The paramedics called our Doctor.
Dr. Fowler, he is brilliant! On the Stafford Road.  I took Mum there at about 6.15pm.

Again, a discussion ensued in the Doctors.
It transpires, that Mums symptoms are compounded by the fact that she is so scared that I am going to die before her!

Well,.......................I said,
"No chance!  I have been waiting too bloody long for my inheritance!"
Oddly enough, that made her smile and feel a bit better! Lol!

Thankfully, I am at home for the next 2 days, so I can keep a close eye on her!
I have already been to the chemist and picked up her prescription for antibiotics, so I should see a huge improvement before I am back at work on Monday.

Love you, Mum!

27th October

Really, really tired today!

Need to be in bed by 10.00pm to make sure that I can get up in time for work in the morning.

Diwali yesterday! Fantastic celebration, beautiful lights and great story behind it.

Fire works going off until just gone midnight! They were delightful to watch.

I really wanted to stay up and watch, but, alas, I couldn't.

I found it really hard to sleep through them. They sounded like they were going off in the bedroom! Lol!

I gave up trying to sleep, and watched the fire works instead, Oh, but how I suffered for it this morning.

26th October

OK, went to work....had loads to do, and caught up with quite a lot, still loads to do though!

Anyway, felt a bit 'iffy' but not too bad. Still don't know what it was though.

Had another of those weird experiences with my eyes.............

I had one ages ago, had a look through the blog, but couldn't find it...(It wasn't a thorough look).

Well............
For about 1 hour, I had a ' multicoloured flashing kaleidoscope'  effect to the upper and outer peripheral area in my right eye, and a 'black and white zig zaggy edge to the lower peripheral in my left eye. A  bit like a fast moving Zebra, Lol!
Although very attractive, it was distracting and a bit worrying.....no pain though, so I don't think that it was a migraine thing.

When it went, there were no lingering effects, so I shouldn't think that it is anything for concern.

25th October

I am going to Bristol today to see my son Robert.
He was supposed to having his review, but the Social worker cancelled it because she is 'off sick'.
I am still going to go, but I think that it is going to be later in the day.

I experienced really bad stomach cramps during the night.  I have one or the other of my orifices over the toilet for most of the night.
I am feeling very sore, tired, weak and dizzy right now, and I have a really bad headache.

I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me. I can't imagine what though, all I ate was the same as Mum and Derek, and I gave most of it to the dog...........They are all ok.

I might just slip back into bed for a while.....................................

24th October

Well, I phoned to see if we had any results.
The results are in.
No one will tell me what they are!
I was told that my Oncologist will discuss them with me on 3 Nov.
So.....that's that!
Bummer.

I am feeling so tired now that I am working full time.
I have been working 5 days each week for the past 2 weeks, however, I have been booking a day off each week for appointments and stuff. Still feeling tired.
Hope that I am over it by the time I need to be!

I went out on Friday night, I got there at about 19.30hrs, but I was ready to go home at 21.30hrs. Home at 21.50hrs, in bed for 22.00hrs!
I am turning into a boring old fart!!!!!!

The good news is.......
My leg and back pain, although always there, is not too much of an issue if I am seated or only walk very short distances.

Headaches.... I am still getting them, but, some how, knowing what is causing them makes them easier to cope with.

21st October

Nothing really to report.
Lingering side effects that I now expect to be around for the duration......
Tinnitus, some times worse than others, but always there. (manageable).
Neuropathy. (manageable).
Hip/back pain, variable, but always there. (manageable most of the time).

Small price to pay for remission!

Now, about my dog.........................................
Most of you will know that he is 'tiny!'
Dougal is a cross between a miniature Yorkshire terrier and a Chihuahua.
He looks like a Yorkshire terrier, who is the size of a large guinea pig!

He is beautiful! (And spoilt, hands up! My fault!).

Anyway, he went to the vet's today, keeping up with his jabs, flee and worm 'spot on' stuff.
He is 3 years old now, so, after discussion, I have decided to separate him from his 'manhood', well, 'doghood'.

NO! The discussion was not with him. Poor Dougie! He will thank me in the end!

Whilst he is under anaesthetic, I will have his teeth cleaned too.

19th October

Today I learned that everyone has a story to tell. ............Well, OK, I didn't learn that today, but I was reminded of it today.

A friend of mine shared with me today, they they had been diagnosed with a life changing illness, not cancer, but a serious life changing illness never the less.

I am honoured that they felt able to share this with me, and said that they needed to talk about it, and chose me to share it with!

Things like this make me feel proud and seriously privileged and special.

18th October

Well, nothing really to report re: the big c today....see that, I haven't even given it the pleasure of a capital c.....so there!
Na na na na na!

BUT.........................
 It hurts me to have to admit that since they opened the hard shoulder on the M6, it has reduced my travel time by approximately 45 mins each way!

Whoooooopeeeeeeeeedeeeeeeeee!

I never thought that I would ever have a good thing to say about the M6..........

So, a big thank you to the people that came up with the idea, and those who built it!

17th October - Scan day

Well, I went to have my scan today..................
MRI.
My letter said that they were scanning the pelvic region.

The usual, strip down to knickers, put a gown on, all jewellery off.
Fill in the usual questionairre........
Now for the scan.

Lay on a bed/trolley thing.
Whilst I was laying, I was told that they had to do a scan of my sternum as well as the pelvic region.
Ear plugs in and off we go.

The noise, banging, clanking, buzzing.....goes on and on with short periods of silence. Towards the end I was asked to breath in and hold my breath............
Bang, clank, buzz.............
And then, repeat.

The scan itself took about an hour. There was a 20 minute wait prior to the 'deed'.

I read Carole's blog when she had a scan...
'caroleandcancer.blogspot.com
She was allowed to look at the pictures....
Well, I thought that I would ask............
"No!"

"Did you see anything worthy of discussion?"
"Can't tell you anything until Dr Baker looks at the pictures".

"Is there a possibility that this pain is a figment of my imagination brought on by paranoia?"
"It is up to Doctor Baker to look at the pictures and share the results with your Oncologist".

Well, that's that then!

No results or even a sniff of a clue until 3rd November.

This shows the indignance that I felt!

But I was sooooooo good, and behaved like this instead...........

But, woe betide anyone who upsets me this evening!!!!!!!!!

16th Octobober

Well, went to see Philip for his birthday bash. I really enjoyed it.
We had a lovely meal, the company was great!
I did have 3 drinks.....(dark rum and coke), didn't have the same effect as before, I wasn't very silly, but I did start a slightly controversial discussion, but to be fair, playing 'bait the bear' is something that I would do with or without a drink in the 'right' company! Ooooooo, such fun!
We played Charades for a while too.
The Inn that I stayed was great. So much on offer..............and in such a beautiful part of the country.

The Wharf Inn at Fenny Compton in Warwickshire, for any one interested.......

The weather was great all day yesterday and we sat in the garden at the Wharf, and we sat in the garden at Philip's too. He lives in Wormleighton, Southam.

Philip and Dawn live just to the right of these cottages.
Fab or what!!

Just so that I don't disappoint those that know me.....,
Yes. I did get lost on the way there, despite having been before, I ended up on the outskirts of Banbury....and yes, I did use the sat nav....there really is no hope for me!

Right then............

Scan tomorrow, results 3rd Nov.

Will let you know how I get on.

Saturday 15th October

Hello again!
I forgot to mention that my line manager commented on Wednesday, that I wasn't limping as I was the last time she saw me!
Yep, she is right!
Although I still have hip and back pain, it is not as debilitating as it was a week or so ago.
Still hurts quite a lot getting in and out of the car, but the rest of time, although it is still there, it is more like a continuous nag than agonising pain!

I went to town yesterday, and was able to go to the places that I wanted to go to without my stick! (I was kind of wishing that I had taken it when I was on the way back though!).......yes, it did start to hurt, but it was all manageable.

I decided what I was going to wear into town, and put them on.
Well......Shock! Horror! My skirt just fell off me, and the top, was much too big!
I put something else on, and that was too big as well!!

Anyway, I eventually got dressed. I decided that I would buy another skirt in town.
I came home with a dressing gown.....no skirt! Hey Ho, nothing new there then! LOL!
Bloody lovely it is too! Long to the floor, fleecy, with a hood, zip all the way up the front, charcoal grey, with huge pink polka dots on it!

My stomach cramps had completely gone, so I stopped the meds.
IDIOT!!!!!!!! They are back now, good and proper!

When I was in town I decided that I was going to try something new.......(for me, anyway).

There is a new place opened.....
"The Tropicano Foot Spa Experience".
"The ultimate pedicure and manicure by Garra Rufa fish!
Basically this is what happens.......
You take a seat, wipe your feet with some wipes that are provided, then you plunge your feet, (or hands, if you prefer), in to this fish tank.............
These Garra Rufa fish nibble all the dry and dead skin from your feet!

Well.....when it came time to plunge my feet in, I got really scared! Lol!
Then I thought,
"Oh behave yourself, after the pain and discomfort that you have been through over the past few months.......stop being a big girls blouse!"

So.......I put my feet in, the sensation for the first few seconds was, well....weird!
After that, it was fine. It felt like my feet were resting on a vibrating mobile phone, a sort of electric buzz on my feet.

I had 15 minutes. My feet felt like a babies bum when I had finished!
I would definitely go again, and have half an hour next time!

So, there was no need for me to behave like a complete 'wus' at all.

Today, I am going to spend the evening with my brother, and family to celebrate his birthday, which was on Wednesday. I will be stopping over as he has booked me into a room at the pub that we are celebrating at! Thanks Philip!

14th October, (but only just)................

Here we are again! Silly O' clock!

I have had the same dream about 4 times in the past few weeks...................
It starts off with me seeing a tiny white spot under my skin, very close to the surface, I rub it, and it comes off....then another and another......................................
Each spot gets a little bigger, when they are about the size of a rice crispie, they become doughnut shaped. These too, multiply and expand. each one getting more difficult to remove, until they are the size of a bracelet............then I have to really scratch and dig them out.

Well, tonight, I woke myself up clawing at my leg, and all that I have to say is:-
'Ouch and bloody ouch again!'

 My leg is sore and very red!

OK, so this is not my leg, it is a red leg hermit crab, far more attractive than a leg of mine with scratches all over it! (Or even with out scratches, for that matter! Lol!)

Of course, it doesn't take a genius to work out what this dream is all about! LOL!

12th October

Today, it's my brother's birthday!

Happy Birthday Philip!

Ok!

I had the appointment for the MRI scan come through today.

I have to go on Monday 17th October, so not too far away.

I wont have any results until I see the Oncologist on Thursday 3rd November.

That isn't too far away either!

I will know stuff soon!!!!!!

The better off you are when

Feeling pretty happy today!

9th October

Well,
My mind is saying to me.............
Go for a run across the fields, have a go on the swings in the park, get your 'Belly Dancing tape out, or do some line dancing....these are all of the things that you used to do, and love to do!
Get your old records out, sing your heart out to all of your old 40's, 50's and 60's music....dance and dance some more. You haven't done it for ages....you know you want to!

Yeah!

O.K!

Do it!

Yeah!

My body is saying.............

Off you go then....you are on your own!

I always thought that death occurred on your last breath, well, I can assure you, that it doesn't.
It occurs when your body no longer wants to play, and your mind is eager and willing to do all this stuff!

I really do have to get a grip, take control of my life and have some Bloody fun.
Sod the pain, stuff the fatigue and screw the 'time restrictions' now that I am working!'
(Although, I did try this a little while ago, and ended up in tears, and unable to get back home with out assistance....from a complete stranger, because I was alone, going out walking, I mean).

Taking that into consideration, how can I proceed?
I have no idea!
I will think about this and then follow a plan, letting my family know what I am doing and where I am going!

I am getting really fed up and frustrated now with all the restrictions that I feel have been placed upon me!!!!!!!!

8th October

I went out for lunch with a friend yesterday. I had a great time...chatted on forever! Good food too!

Hmmmm, my body clock has kicked in very efficiently now that I am back at work.....even when I am 'off', my body tells me that it is wake up time at 05.45!
(Just as well really, I have had to take laxatives for the past couple of weeks, about twice a week, and they 'kick in' about 06.00. Lol!)
I would HATE to still be asleep in Bobo's when that happens! Lol!

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE............

COFFEE!

7th October. Bone scan results

Well, I phoned again today, and found out that they THINK that they have found something. I have to have another M.R.I. scan to confirm/identify.
I should expect the appointment to come through within the next few days.

The good news is that they only THINK that they found something.
Probably nothing....a bit of dust on the lens! Lol!

Friday 7th October

Hi all....no real changes here.
Still no results have been passed on to me.

I do know that the Oncologist was 'studying' the results of the bone scan, and I did have 5 missed calls on y mobile, but I was driving on the Glorious M6, and I never answer the phone when driving. I never drink and drive either...2 of my many pet hates!
(Actually, if I think about it, I don't drink at all now, because I am always driving!)

Side effects in order of effect.

• Hip/back pain, still quite bad, need to use stick for walks. It has been consistent for 31 days now.
• Neuropathy in my feet, more of an irritant than a problem.
• Tinnitus, although it is always there, it is only occasionally that it is a problem.

I think that neuropathy and tinnitus are here to stay. I can handle that.

Not too sure about my hip and back, hopefully it will go away, but in the mean time, it is very wearing and really brings me down. I get so frustrated that I can't do what I want.........

For example:-

If I hear music, (music to my taste), I like to have a bit of a jig.

Could be at home, in a shop, on the street, in the work place......nothing over the top, just a little dance! (Roxanne used to get so embarrassed! Bless her!) 

Can't do that now, it looks more like I am having a wriggle 'cos I need the loo or something!

I like to run around the garden with my dog...that is a 'no no' now.

I like to use the stairs at work, instead of the lift. I still do that, but it takes me an age to get anywhere!

Well, I could go on....but you get the drift...............

The Doctor has prescribed pain killers. Tramadol. 2 every 4 hours, but they make me drowsy, and I can't drive or concentrate at work.

It has been reduced to 1 every 3 hours, that takes the edge of of the pain, and I am still able to drive and work.

I am so tired when I get home from work, I am going straight to bed, and I sleep until I have to get up at 05.45.

4 days this week, (I am off today), and 4 days next week, then back to full time.

My urine is still 'chameleon' like.....from clear to muddy and all shades in between.

It is consistently 'frothy' now too.

Wee with a head on it! lol!

Not causing any problems though. I have had it tested, but no results to date.

All in all, taking every thing into consideration, I am very well.