7th May

I was so tired and lethargic all day yesterday.
After the alarm incident, I went back to bed and slept until about 11.00. I was back in bed at 20.00 hrs.
I slept right through, I didn't get up once in the night, and awoke at 07.00!

I am still feeling a little tired now. You know, sandman eyes, and generally 'droopy'!

After feeling quite good for the 10 days or so, I don't understand it!

I was told that feelings of tiredness would last for some time, so maybe I was being a little optimistic because I was relatively well for a period of time!

(In fact, I am felling really tempted to go back to bed now!)

I can't though, because the guy is coming to re-plaster the ceiling in the sitting room this morning.

Chemo is getting closer..............first one one round 2 is on Tuesday!    

Hmmmmph!

6th May

Morning all!

I was going to go to Bristol to see my son on Monday...my bladder seems to be capable of the journey now, and I know that there are at least 3 service stations on route.

Well, Mum told me yesterday that she has to go to the clinic on Monday, so I can't go to Bristol! I wish that I had known before....oh well, I will have to go on Saturday or Sunday, probably Sunday, because I think that there is something that Derek wants wanted me to do for him on Saturday....(I wish that I could remember what it is)...........

Today, I thought hat I would have a lay in.......relax, chill, you know, a duvet day! Lol!

Well those plans just hit the dust.................

In a nut shell.....my old, lovely mobile phone, practically fell apart in my hands, so I had to get another.
I bought an HTC Fire something or other....touch screen thing.
When Roxanne came, she set it up for me. Well, I carry the bloody thing around with me hoping that no one will ring! I can't use it, I think that I have just about worked out how to answer a call!

Any way....this morning, 06.00...the alarm went off on it.....could I work out how to turn it off? Noooooo!
So, after it woke me, let me snooze, and woke me again after failing miserably to turn it off, I decided to bury under the pillows and duvet to 'silence' it, and get up.
I am sitting in the garden, with my coffee.....the bloody thing goes off again, I could hear it in the garden! I ran upstairs, brought it down....(now, completely frustrated and exhausted....this running stuff knackered me for the day!)....I put the phone in the shed...Derek was there, getting something for work.
Well, he turned the alarm off and went to work. It is still in the shed.................

I didn't turn the alarm on, (I don't think), and if I did, why did I do it? Search me!
Anyway......I never want to see it again! Ever!

Give me a device that makes calls, takes calls, sends and receives messages, maybe, even take a couple of photo's... I have decided that I don't want or need anything else.
I don't  want to feel that I need a degree to speak to my friends and family!

5th May

I had the weirdest dream last night.................
First of all, I went to bed at a reasonable time, didn't take any sleeping tablets. I tossed and turned for a while, but then I went off to sleep. Yay!
I woke once to use the loo...(terrible, I am getting up a couple of times in the night to use the loo, and have done since treatment started), only once last night!

Any way, back to this dream......................................

I was sitting with a small group of people who I appeared to know, (all though, I didn't recognise anyone).
I had long dark hair. (Not been part of my look for over 30 years).
Well, during the gathering, there was a solitary hair, synthetic, long and red. It was at the corner of my mouth, I gently removed it.
Then there was another and another, the hairs were still long, but turning blonde.
There there were clumps of hair, turning from blonde to dark brown, there were more and more, turning to clumps and getting stuck in my throat.
I remember feelings of embarrassment, leaving the group and going to the ladies room.
I was pulling huge clumps of very long dark hair from my mouth, and then my throat. I am having to put my fingers down my throat to pull them out. There was no feeling of choking that I remember, but the more I pulled out, the more that there was to pull out.........
That is all that I can remember.

On top of that....back to reality now, the dream is over.........Dougal, my little dog, is behaving really strangely this morning.
He wont let me out of his sight, he whined when I went to the loo, have a shower, get dressed etc....which is really unusual for him.
He wont leave my side....when I made a coffee, he followed me, anywhere that I go he is following me, keeping very close!
I do know that a lot of dogs do this, but it is really unusual for Dougal, particularly the whining when he can't see me.
I have to out today, I need to take Mum to town and to the bank, and of course, I have to vote.

chemo day getting closer.............I hate it!

4th April

You know that I said my brother, Philip, came to see me yesterday....he was on his way home from an interview...., Well, he got the job...Yay!...Congratulations Philip!

I am hoping that Roxanne hears something about her interview soon, but Councils do seem to take a lot longer to make up their minds and inform people.....(if they inform people at all).

I did all the stuff that I was going to do yesterday, I am completely knackered now, but I try to keep as busy as possible when I can.
There are 2 reasons for this:-
1. Because I am able, and I don't know when I will be able again.
2. I have to work to make myself tired so that I can go to sleep at night!

(Having said that, it hasn't worked so far... reason 2, that is.......but you know what they say, If at first you don't succeed....blur di blur.......)

I am sitting here with my feet in a foot spa whilst I am 'blogging', and the water is getting cold now, so I am going to sign off and dry my poor little ice cold tootsies!

3rd May

My brother, Philip came to see me today. It was great to see him.

I had big plans to do such a lot today, but I was really tired. I didn't sleep well last night at all.
I fact, since I started treatment, I have had issues sleeping. I really do hope that is gets back to normal when it is all over.
Only 1 week to go before I start chemo again, so I have to start taking my temperature twice daily again, get anti-acid stuff in, get some more alcohol free mouth wash..............

Get ready to start experiencing the side effects of it all.......oh, and of course, the little bit of hair that I have managed to grow, will all go again. (Not that I mind, I quite like having no hair!) lol!

I will shave it off again, because it hurts the top of my head when it starts to fall out.

As I mentioned before, I ballooned when I had chemo last time...I am just starting to get back to my normal size now...I dare say that I will expand again over the next 10 weeks.

I haven't got much of an appetite at the moment. When I was on chemo last time, if it didn't move, I ate it! Lol!

I'll tell you what though............
All the things that I was concerned about before cancer, seem so insignificant now.
For example, from the age of  about 11, I was obsessed with my weight, like most young girls are today.
 I have always yo yo'd  a bit with my weight, and always worried when I put it on.......right up to being diagnosed!
Any way, now I think, bloody hell...I have had 4 full term pregnancies, 3 beautiful children, many gynaecological operations, including a hysterectomy when I was 36, a breast lumpectomy at 42...I am 55 now, (well 55 and 11 months..lol)!
Do you know what!...I don't care! No more obsessing for me and worrying! If you don't like the way I look...then look away!

I feel this way about loads of things now......If it doesn't hurt any one and it isn't going to kill me,,,,Chill!

Lol! Considering that I had nothing to say, I haven't done badly, Lol!
I will get down from my soap box now! Lol!

2nd May

Nothing to report today.
Weather was great, although it has been windy.
To hear the wind rustling through the trees, and feel it blowing on my face........it was some how magical!

I closed my eyes and faced the wind, what a fabulous feeling it was!

When I woke up this morning, the plaster had fallen from the ceiling in the sitting room, it was all over the floor!
It was a bit of a shock, but it will be easily sorted.

Never a dull moment!!!!!

1st May

Ann and Dave came up from Bristol today, it was great, I haven't seen them for yonkers!

Well, we sat in the garden, drinking coffee and chatting, them we took a walk the the Wing Wah.
The food was fantastic, and we spent ages just sitting and chatting over a very leisurely lunch.

We had finished and had been just chilling, when the fire alarm went off. No one seemed to be bothered, no one moved.........so we carried on chatting..........
Well, I mentioned that I could smell burning, Ann agreed, so we paid, and made a hasty retreat!

No one else seemed to be bothered, and the place is still standing, so I suppose it was a pan of noodles or something! lol!

My lump...............
Well, got fed up with it, so I investigated...(to no avail),....
So I squoze it!

All that I can say at this moment is 'OUCH!'

No, I didn't put a plaster on it, I just liked the look of these, lol!

Answers.com - Is squoze a word

Grammar question: Is squoze a word? Squoze is NOT a word. The proper word for the past tense of squeeze is squeezed.

Well, do you know what? I don't care....I like the word 'squoze', so there! lol!

(Just as a matter of interest, I think that the past tense of knitted should be knat, and the past tense of fitted should be fat!)  LOL!

  

30th April

Well, not a great deal to say..................
I have developed a really painful lump on my 'bits'. I am not sure what it is....it may be a late developing radiation burn, could be a boil or a bloody great pimple! I will see how things go.
Bit of a bummer though, (no pun intended).
I thought that I had seen the back of discomfort in my nether regions.
Ho hum, and all that, sais la vie!

(Found this pic on the net, really like it, and it expresses how I feel so perfectly).


To top it all, I think that I have over done it a bit! I am so tired, achy and I have a head ache.

Serves me right, I was warned that I would feel really well, but it wouldn't mean that I was well!

That will teach me to get 'cocky!' Lol!

I am going to take it easy tomorrow.....Ann and Dave are coming from Bristol, and we are going out to lunch.

This means no cooking, washing up, gardening or anything else that means I have to lift anything heavier than
a fork!

29th April

I have had a great couple of days.
I worked in the garden yesterday and today...doing as much as I can and resting at will!
I hate to admit it, but I still get tired quickly.
I don't seem to need the loo so often now either, but it is still unpredictable, so I wont be lulled in to a false sense of security.
I had to take some sleeping tablets because I was tossing and turning, getting up, going back, getting up.......
I was getting really fed up, and really cranky during the day!

So I took the sleepers to give my family a bit of respite.

I want to work some more in the garden tomorrow...I will see how it goes.
I have my friends, Ann and Dave coming to visit on 1st May, and I am really looking forward to it...it has been ages since we have seen each other!

I really hope that you have all enjoyed your holidays, including this one for the Royal Wedding!

(Just in case you feel that you need to see more of the lovely couple......Kate is really beautiful, and she looked stunning in her Wedding Gown......I watched the whole thing! Fab!)

27th April

Had a job getting to sleep last night.
After tossing and turning, I decided to take a sleeping tablet.
Slept like a baby!

Whilst I was waiting for it to work, I sat on the settee with a magazine, and Dougal, my little dog sat on my lap.
It was during this time that I realised everything no longer smells of iron and metal.
Dougal did a poopsie...(trump or fart), and it stank like rancid boiled cabbage!

Rejoice!!!! I can smell proper smells now!
Not sure when it all changed, I didn't really notice until 'the incident'....Urgh,....bloody horrible it was!
But...Yay...my nose has regained conciousness!

Today, I went out for lunch with my friend Claire.
We had a great time, and I laughed so much that my tummy hurts!
It was fab, and hopefully, we will do it again soon!
Thanks Claire!

26th April

I did say that I would post on 26th...so here I am!
OK, it is only just 26th...in fact 20 minutes into the day! 20 minutes pat midnight, and here I am 'blogging!'
Why?  Because I can't sleep!
There has only been 2 nights that I have been able to go to bed...and sleep.
That was last night and the night before.

I am not sure what it is that stops me from sleeping...I am tired, very tired!
As soon as I get into bed, I get strange sensations.....like some one is stabbing me all over my body with needles, particularly on the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands
(The same sensations on my thighs are just as irritating but not as frequent).

My legs are jumping all over the place.
I do attempt to just try, try and try again to sleep, but I usually end up getting out of bed and coming down stairs to play on the computer, watch T.V, read some magazines.
(Books aren't good, because I can't concentrate well enough yet to read and understand what I have just read. I end up having to read most paragraphs twice!)
My eye sight is still a bit 'iffy' too, and there is nothing that I can do about it until I have finished my next lot of chemo.

Oh, well, I am going to get a drink, and then try bed again.
Wish me luck...lol!

Hope that you are all having more joy getting to sleep than I am....Good night, (or morning in this case), lol,
and sweet dreams.

24th April

As promised here I am again!

Not a lot to report.

I think that I think that I am 'weller' than I actually am..........if you understood that!

I am feeling pretty well, so I am getting stuck into cleaning and gardening...then I get really, really tired, and have to crash out!

Keith came  and stayed for 2 nights and 3 days. It was great to see him. He has to go back to work on Wednesday, so he left today, giving himself time to do his stuff. He and Sarah will be moving at the beginning of  May, so they both have a great deal to do.

I am not looking forward to starting chemo again, particularly knowing that I am not going to know if I have still got cancer or not at the end of it all.

I wont dwell on it now...too much stuff I want to do, too many people that I want to see, and make sure that I get it all done between now and 10th!

Will talk again on 26th!

Hope that you all are enjoying your Easter break!
 I am!
What wonderful weather!

22nd April

Well, as I said yesterday, I don't think that there will be anything to report cancer wise until 10th April, so I am going to talk about my garden, family and friends.

As you know, on 5th, 6th and 7th, Roxanne, my daughter came. We did some gardening. I use the term 'we' loosely, as I was not really well enough to 'do'...so I just gave directions!
Oh, what pleasure I got from that...lol!

On 15th, my friend Jackie came, and we went out to the Wing Wah for lunch, and then came back and just sat chatting in the garden. That was very 'civilised! lol!

On 18th, my niece and nephew came for a few hours, and we made Easter baskets.

For the basket, we used:-
Card and  raffia.
 I drew a pattern and the children cut it out.
Then, we used the raffia to weave the basket.
We filled the basket with shredded green tissue paper.
For the Easter chick we used:-
Yellow furry fabric.
Orange felt.
I drew a pattern on the fabric, and the children cut out.
(Two circles, one smaller than the other.)
The edges of each circle were 'tacked' using needle and cotton, so that it could be pulled to close the circle.
The circles were stuffed with 'soft toy stuffing', and then sewn closed.
The circles were then attached to each other using stitches.
The large circle became the chicks body, and the small circle became the head.
A diamond shape was cut from the orange felt. This was folded in half, stitched along the edge to keep an 'open beak' shape.
Then it was sewn to the head of the chick in the appropriate position.
A heart shape was also cut from the felt. This was sewn to the under side of the body to make the feet of the chick.
One large black dot was drawn on  the chicks head, each side of, and just above the beak, to make the eyes.
The basket was then filled with small chocolate eggs and 'jelly bunnies'. The chick was placed on top.
The children did this themselves with a little help and total supervision.
Afterwards, I face painted the children.
A butterfly for Sophie, (aged 6 years), and an Alien for Reece, (aged 8 years).

19th
I met my friend Sandra in town.
We had lunch, and then did a little shopping. We visited 4 shops, and then we came home for coffee.
Sandra isn't too well, and I need to rest a great deal, so 4 shops is all that we could manage...lol!
Isn't that tragic?....So sad.......all that shopping opportunity gone to waste! lol!

This isn't actually a picture of us...but you get the idea! lol!

I wont post again until 24th!
Have a wonderful Easter break!

Thursday 21st April

Well, I had my appointment with the oncologist today.
I still have a couple of radiation burns, and a lot of scarring from the burns that have now healed.
I have lost weight...Yay!!!!!!!!
Mustn't get too excited, because, as soon as I start chemo again, it will all come back...Oh joy! Oh rapture!

After asking some questions, i.e.
Do I still have cancer etc..........
The response is as follows:-

Well....................................
For the next 5 years it will be considered that I still have cancer. It is hoped that after the chemo is complete, the cancer will be in remission.
The cancer may rear it's ugly head again.
I will need to go for regular check ups for the next 5 years.
I have an exemption certificate for 5 years, (until 2016), for free medication.

Apparently, with any cancer, it is uncertain as to if it is gone, or in remission following the treatment.

My next chemo session is on May10th. Each session at the hospital will last for 7-8 hours each.
It will be as it was last time.

I am feeling really well, although I still tire easily. This, according to the Doctor is to be expected for many months, if not longer, following chemo and radiotherapy.

Continence issues are still a bit problematic, but improving daily.
Getting off to sleep is a nuisance...but then again....so is getting up in the morning! Lol!
I am still squeezing as much socialising and gardening in as I can between now and 10th May, (I do rest as I need to).

I know that for 5-10 days after each session, I will be feeling anything but social!

O.K.....I am of to make hay whilst the sun shines............................

I will 'post'. tomorrow, but it will be more about my social activities and the garden than my little friend.....Cancer!

Back to 'business' on 10th May.

Happy Easter to you all!!

(I did my private celebrations on 20th March for Oestara - sometimes spelt Ostara).

But, I am still celebrating with my family!

18th April

Lol!
I am worn out.........
Lol!


I don't honestly think that I am going to have anything worthwhile to say until Thursday................So........
other than saying that I feel a lot better, and that I am enjoying seeing friends and family, nothing to say....

Oh yes, there is......
I have noticed that friends and family are interacting with me in a different way........
Now that I am feeling so much better, they are smiling more, staying longer, and talking about loads of different things........

Roll on end of ALL treatments!

Well, that's it until Thursday when I hope to have something more interesting to say!

Break Time!

Until Thursday then?!..................................

17th April

Went to sleep almost straight away last night! Yay!
Then the neighbours had a party and woke me at 12.00 midnight! lol!

I am not upset though, because they have never disturbed me before, so it isn't a regular occurance.
Been busy in the garden today, loved it!
I went out to lunch yesterday with a friend...that was great too!

Tomorrow, I am spending about 4 hours with my niece and nephew, then taking Mum to her 'blood clinic'.
Tuesday, all day with Roxanne, my daughter, Wednesday, I will spending the day with another friend, Sandra, in town. Thursday, I have to see the Oncologist....Friday, Saturday and Sunday, my some Keith is coming.

I am being the proverbial 'social butterfly'................How fab is that!!!!!

I am certainly going to make the most of this before I start to feel rough again when the chemo starts.

16th April

Still taking ages to fall asleep at night, I resisted the temptation to get up last night, but I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours!

I did go out to try to tire myself out yesterday...and I succeeded!
I can back feeling exhausted!
Did it help me sleep?  Don't think so.

It does appear to be helping my back ache though, so of on another jaunt today.

In fact, my social calendar is bursting with activity over this week end and all of next week.......
Oh, I am a popular bunny at the moment!
All of my friends and family work, so they are all wanting to come and see Me..............!

I do feel so important and so loved!!!!!!!!

15th April

Yesterday, I forgot to mention.......

Tinnitus
Still there, but only really noticeable in complete silence.......like bed time!

Sinusitis
Comes and goes, a couple of paracetamol sort it if required.

Well, as I mentioned before, I have been having some restless nights.....................

I decided to go on a jaunt to town, and walked and sat, walked and sat for a number of hours....this was in the hope of making myself very tired so that I would have a good night's sleep................
Well, it didn't work!
It just made me very tired, but still unable to sleep! lol!

On the 'up' side....(I insist on finding an up side or I would go bonkers!)......anyway.................
On the up side.........my back ache is a lot better, still there, but muted!!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!

I really am starting to feel so much better now, in fact, it is making me think that I really, really don't want to start feeling ill again when I have the chemo,
so....the conclusion is, try not to have long enough to really remember what it is like to feel well in between treatments!

I am going to continue with the treatment, because I am a third of the way through the lot now, and I think, believe and hope that I am already over the worst!

14th April

I stopped taking all of my pain killers and sleeping medication, and I also stopped taking the anaesthetic gel and anti-biotic gel.................

My pain has reduced greatly, so, I don't feel the need to take the pain killers (Morphine/Tramadol).
I will take the occasional paracetamol if I feel that I need to. (Usually for my back at the moment).
 So far, so good with that.

Sleeping tablets...well, I am having difficulty sleeping without them, but I am a little concerned that I will become dependant on them, so I am happy to put up with a few restless nights. (After all, it isn't as if I have to get up for work, so I can still nap in the day if I need to).

Now, the anaesthetic gel and anti-bacterial gel is another story all together!
I still NEED it!
Without it, the pain and discomfort of the last few external burns is very noticeable!
On the 'up side', instead of applying each time I use the loo, I am only using it twice daily....each morning and each night.

It has been 2 weeks since my last radio therapy session, so what effects remain from this?
Well, some effects may still be from the chemo....not sure.

I will list the effects that are still with me.

Eye sight.
Still not good, doesn't seem to be getting any worse though.
It may do during/after the next lot of chemo. I will see the optician when it is all over.

Back Ache
A real pain.
To be honest, it doesn't seem to be getting any better at all. As I said, I am exercising, walking and moving about...but no change there.

Vaginal pain and discomfort
Greatly improved, and getting better by the minute!

Bladder control.
I can go longer with out using the loo, but, as before, if I need to go, I need to go NOW!!!!

Bowel control
Not needing to go as often, but very, very little warning.

Teeth
They are still getting loose, gums receding, good news..........no pain.

Taste and smell
Everything tastes of and smells like metal.

Concentration
I can concentrate for longer periods now, but I do find that I get very frustrated and even angry if I make a silly mistake due to my eye sight, or lack of concentration, particularly if it means that I have to do the same task again!
I could 'spit nails!'

Emotionally
Up and down, I am pleased to say, mainly up, although there have been some very dark moments........

Driving
I thought that I should mention this, because you may be wanting to know if it is possible etc.....

Well, apart from the days that I actually have chemo at the hospital, and often, the 2 days afterwards, I have been able to drive.
Sitting in the driving seat was no more painful than sitting anywhere else during radiotherapy, I drove myself there and back everyday.
Taxi would have been too expensive, and ambulance service would have been impractical, because, there would have been many pick-ups/drop offs, this would have caused a continence issue. Using the ambulance service would have taken 1-2 hours each way.
I wouldn't have been able to sit in the same position for so long, due to the pain, and I would have pee'd myself at least twice each journey. (And maybe even worse!)
Driving took 10-15 minutes.

I am unable to drive for any length of time, as I proved to myself on Monday, I can't go any longer that 1 hour without the toilet...max!
The same applies to walking now....I have to plot routes that are either very short, or I know that there is a toilet close by.
Got that pretty well sorted as far as a little jaunt to town goes. I think that I am aware of every 'pit stop' in Wolverhampton! lol!

Hopefully, the issues with continence will be temporary!

No reason for this picture at all...I just think that it is cute!

13th April

Last night and the night before, I had a bit of difficulty sleeping, I think that it is my back ache, not sure what is causing it.
I have started to do stretching exercises, which haven't helped, (yet anyway), I keep taking myself for regular but short walks.

Everything smells like some sort of metal or iron.........everything tastes like I am sucking on a crow bar, (an iron bar for those that don't know what it is). yucky, yucky, yucky!!!!!!

The next pic is a crow bar....

I think that my whole body is showing signs of radio activity...lol!

I am sure that my wee is flouresceing too............doesn't matter what, or how much I drink....my wee is 'dayglo yellow!'

Pooh...this varies from khaki to citrus lemony-greeny and mustard..........bit of a 'pooh-bow', (as opposed to rainbow).
Apart from the back ache, the other stuff is more of an annoyance or entertainment...no real major concerns.

Observing the silliest things because I am going 'stir crazy'....insanity is creeping in slowly.

So, all in all I am a positive little bunny!!